People like Sarah Palin keep telling us we need to “keep Christ in Christmas.” Which is strange, because no one ever kicked him out or proposed doing so. They just invited more people to join the party. But I’m thinking Christ would probably prefer to not be included in Christmas anymore. Here’s why:
Just in time for Christmas, the Duck Dynasty family has all sorts of things for sale in my local Fred Meyers. There’s fake clip-on beards (which make the perfect gift for that uncle who’s gonna rob a 7-11). There’s a Duck Family Christmas book. There’s even a Duck Family Christmas DVD – I haven’t see it, but it’s probably like a sequel to Deliverance where the family braves river-rapids to deliver their Christmas items to kids while non-Christians shoot at them from the cliffs.
Are you trying to find a gift for that sex-kinky in-law? Well, you’re in luck. The Duck family has more stuff available online. They’ve got an extensive line of duck calls that can easily double as butt-plugs.
And there’s also a Christmas music album. Just picture Christ sticking that thing in his CD player. He’d get to the song Away In A Trailer and say, “Okay, that’s it. I’m done.”
It’s funny how the people most ardently defending Christ’s role in Christmas are the same ones who are trying to sell us their garbage.
Yes, I think Christ is gonna follow Sarah Palin’s lead. He’s going to quit halfway through his term of office. Because Jesus gets it — the three wise men didn’t charge anything for the gifts they brought.
I’ve never watched “Duck Dynasty” but it baffles me why it is so popular. Maybe you and me should make our own damn Christmas album, Thomas.
I’m really behind the times. I had to look up “Duck Dynasty” to find out what you were all talking about.
(I don’t watch reality shows, unless you count American Idol.)
Everyone knows that Jesus was a white, English-speaking capitalist, just like his chosen people — American businessmen!
The wise men gave their gifts freely. Not so wise, after all. They could’ve probably got good money for gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Whatever they are.
For people like the Duck Dynasty it’s more like “Keep the Cash in Xmas Coming”
Don’t forget their Duck Dynasty Chia Pets. I saw that one on TV too! UGHHHH! Loved this post!
Chia pets? Like beards that grow with water?