Today’s Top Story: Beyoncé Lip Syncs (Oh Yeah And People Are Starving and Dying and Stuff)

Every morning as I’m getting ready for work, the top story on Good Morning America and other network news outlets has been the controversy (and I use that word so loosely bolts are dropping out) over whether or not Beyoncé lip-synced the National Anthem at the Inauguration.

This story comes before any reports on murders and war zones and is usually followed by that other recent shocking revelation: Subway’s foot longs are actually an inch shorter than a foot. While pretty much every guy on the planet would give his left nut for those bragging rights, when it comes to the other kind of meat it’s not only a problem but apparently a travesty as well.

As for this whole Beyoncé situation, that it’s getting so much attention in the media is amazingly absurd. Especially the whole “What impact will this have on her career?” and “When will she break her silence?” nonsense. Not to mention the fact there are real horrors going on in the world that deserve the airtime a whole lot more. Forget making sure kids can go to school without being target practice for the psycho of the moment. Is it live or is it Memorex, bitch?

It’s time to get our priorities straight. She lip-synced a song. She didn’t set a church on fire. She didn’t kick a little boy down a flight of stairs. She didn’t rape an illiterate three-legged bunny that doesn’t hop as well as it used to. She lip-synced a fucking song, okay?

It was cold and she didn’t want to mess up the Inauguration of…who is that guy again? Oh, yeah, the President of the United States. Isn’t that who the focus of the whole damn event was supposed to be in the first place?

It’s not like she lip synced at a concert people paid hundreds of dollars to see. It was a free event people were fortunate enough to attend. Or, quite frankly, stupid enough. No need to freeze your ass off when high definition will do the trick quite nicely.

After all of the shit people have been saying about her, when Beyoncé comes out for the Super Bowl Halftime Show, she should grab the microphone, and with her stunning smile say “Fuck ya’ll, I’m going to get nachos” and walk off the stage. Of course, that would only open her up to a whole new controversy: Was it real cheese or Cheez Whiz?

It’s a vicious cycle, folks.


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12 thoughts on “Today’s Top Story: Beyoncé Lip Syncs (Oh Yeah And People Are Starving and Dying and Stuff)”

  1. Well, at least Beyonce can’t complain that her publicist isn’t doing his (her?) job!

  2. I agree with you Mario. The Beyoncé Lip Sync controversy has had it’s 15-annoying-minutes-of fame. Now lets move on to the some serious news – Another Bigfoot Sighting in Oregon!

  3. I can see where this “news” would have precedence over something like, say … 179 children killed by our drone strikes at suspected terrorists in Pakistan.

    On the other hand this latter news could be encouraged by the sleeping pill industry since most news today doesn’t keep anybody awake a night, unless of course the thought of someone’s lip-synced songs unnerves you.

  4. Well, Mario I am one of those people who think celebrity news is the most important news in this world. How, as a world can we function without knowing these very important details into these people’s lives? Nothing else matters except them! Hope you sensed my sarcasm. 🙂

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