Guacamole and the Old Testament | HumorOutcasts

Guacamole and the Old Testament

March 5, 2014
By

Mexican Appetizer

GUACAMOLE

Guacamo-

INGRDIENTS

2avocados
1 jalapeno
1/2 onion
2 tbsp fresh cilantro
1 tbsp lime juice
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
1/2 cup diced tomatoes

PREPARATION

Make sure avocados are ripe. They should be feel a bit squishy. (That is not the same feeling you get when you all in love. That is squooshy.) Remove stem and seeds from jalapeno. Then mince it, the onion, and the cilantro.

Put avocado in mixing bowl. Mash the avocado thoroughly with a fork. Add jalapeno, onion, lime juice, salt, pepper, and diced tomatoes. Mix ingredients completely with fork or whisk. As with all soups, add water if it gets too thick for your liking.

Assume a look of radiant virtue as you serve this to your guests who may or may not deserve it.

TIDBITS

1) Doesn’t “guacamole” look as if it should be pronounced “whack a mole?”

2) Where I grew up, our neighbors had a guacamole tree, bush, cactus, or whatever its called, that dropped its fruit onto our side.

3) We had a lemon tree that dropped its fruit onto their side. Fair is fair.

4) Authentic guacamole and salsa are always fresh.

5) Salsa, the movie, was made in 1988 and directed by Boaz Davidson.

6) The Old Testament’s Book of Ruth has Boaz marrying Ruth. The movie, Story of Ruth, was made in 1960 and starred Stuart Whitman.

7) Stuart Whitman was more well known for his movie roles as a cowboy such as in the 1961 movie, The Comancheros.

8) It’s unclear even after on-line search if Stuart Whitman liked salsa. Or even guacamole.

– Chef Paul

3novels

Please check out Paul De Lancey’s books on Amazon.com.

or visit his website www.lordsoffun.com for signed copies.

Paul De Lancey

Paul De Lancey writes in multiple genres: adventure, westerns, morality, time travel, thriller, and culinary, all spiced with zaniness. He is a frequent contributor to HumorOutcasts. His novels "Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms?" "Beneficial Murders," "We’re French and You’re Not," and "The Fur West" and his cookbook Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World have won acclaim from award-winning authors. Paul is also the writer of hilarious articles and somewhat drier ones in Economics. Dr. De Lancey obtained his Doctorate in Economics from the University of Wisconsin. His thesis, “Official Reserve Management and Forecasts of Official Reserves,” disappears from bookstore shelves so quickly that most would-be purchasers can never find it in stock. Paul, known to his friends as Paul, was the proud co-host of the online literary events Bump Off Your Enemies, The Darwin Murders, and Tasteful Murders. He also co-collected, co-edited, and co-published the e-book anthologies resulting from these events. Perhaps Mr. De Lancey will someday become a literary giant without having to die for the title. The humorist is a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. Paul ran for President of the United States in 2012! Woo hoo! On the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Estimates of Bacon & Chocolate’s share of the votes range from 3 to 1.5% of the total. El Candidato also lost a contentious campaign to be El Presidente of Venezuela. In late 2013, Chef Paul participated in the International Bento Competition. The great statesman is again running for president, this time under HumorOutcasts’ sponsorship. Contact Paul before he gets elected to get that ambassadorship to Tahiti you’ve always wanted. Mr. De Lancey makes his home, with his wonderful family, in Poway, California. He divides his time between being awake and asleep. His books are available at: www.lordsoffun.com and amazon.com.

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2 Responses to Guacamole and the Old Testament

  1. March 5, 2014 at 3:54 pm

    Such thorough research.

    I understand that avocados are becoming more scarce due to climate change (at least, Chipotle has claimed this is the reason they may momentarily quit serving guacamole). So this recipe is very timely!

  2. March 5, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    You are like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon and might I say I don’t think it is a coincidence that Kevin has the word bacon in his name. It’s all about food.



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