Has The McPlague Already Started? | HumorOutcasts

Has The McPlague Already Started?

February 20, 2014


The New York Times recently reported that two million Americans fall ill from antibiotic-resistant bacteria every year and 23,000 die from those infections. A major source of the problem is factory farms, where healthy animals are fed antibiotics to keep them from getting sick. Farmers also feed animals the drugs to promote faster growth with less feed.

That sounds like a great way to cut down on the amount of money you shell out to feed the kids.

Best of all, while prices fall at the supermarket, the bacteria back on the farm keep evolving to defeat the antibiotics. But not to worry, the FDA is issuing strong new guidelines on antibiotic use. The guidelines are voluntary and will not have the binding force of regulations, so they’ll totally work.

Quick aside: Did you know that Foster Farms got its name from parents eating their chicken and croaking, thereby causing their kids to end up in foster homes?

I know what you’re thinking – “what is this garbage? This is supposed to be a humor site, but I’m reading about some free-range bullshit. This is like watching The Lego Movie in a theater and someone has spliced in porn.”

Okay, I hear ya, so here’s what I think is funny. We have all these huge threats that cause people to go on the Sunday News shows and express alarm while pretending to be knowledgeable. There’s the threat of a nuclear-armed Iran. We’re in the crosshairs of Islamo-facists. Our own government is stripping away our freedoms. Etc, etc.

But it just might be our dollar-menu Chicken McNuggets and those happy-hour chicken strips that take us out in the end.

No one wants a McNugget Plague, but that’s irrelevant because it might already be here. And the first sign of infection is when your hair deforms into this:



Thomas Sullivan

Thomas Sullivan is the author of So Much Time, So Little Change (a book of essays published by Wayman Publishing). It is available at Amazon in print and Kindle. Thomas lives in Seattle.

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3 Responses to Has The McPlague Already Started?

  1. February 21, 2014 at 4:43 pm

    Well, I guess if I were convinced that chicken McNuggets were made out of actual McChicken, I would be in a panic right now, hiding my husband and son. But I have the comfort of knowing that my son is safely munching away on previously solidified and molded liquid ooze, and darn it, I feel good about that.

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    February 21, 2014 at 8:17 am

    That McScares the bejaysus outta me.

  3. February 21, 2014 at 2:35 am

    I’ll eat it, I’m not chicken. But maybe I will be.

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