Rule No. 1: If it shows everything you’ve got, don’t wear it.
Rule No. 2: If it’s ugly, don’t wear it.
Rule No. 3: If it looks fabulous on someone else but butt-ugly on you, let the other person wear it. And no, the other person hasn’t had three facelifts, fifteen botox injections, a wig and breast implants, so stop saying that to everyone!
Never wear an ugly hat to cover up a bad hair day. You will be defeating your own purpose, and boy, will you feel stupid.
If you look terrible naked, don’t join a nudist group. Someone will take your picture and post it on the home page of the group’s website, with the caption, “We accepted this pathetic specimen; we’ll accept anyone.” It will go viral, and the whole world will see what you look like without your clothes on.
Don’t wear flip-flops anywhere outside your house. Your feet will get angry, especially if the sidewalks are really hot. Feet never forget a blister, and they will have their revenge.
Wearing a Hawaiian shirt in public is like slapping a sign on yourself saying, “I don’t care how dumb I look, so I grabbed this.”
Speaking of Hawaiian – ladies, please confine the muumuu to your living room and your patio. It’s comfortable and it’s pretty, but it looks like you forgot to get dressed.