The Absolutely, Positively Not Boring Woman

Aunt Philomena's feet on their favorite ottoman.
Aunt Philomena’s feet on their favorite ottoman.
I just turned sixty-eight years old. Ailments are a major subject of conversation for people my age, because they are the most exciting things that happen to most of us. This can get dull after about five minutes, so I promise you that I will not tell you about my bad knees, my cholesterol or anything else that smacks of physical deterioration. I’m a fun person, and I am determined to be a stimulating conversationalist.

Wasn’t this winter absolutely WICKED? I swear we got more snow than Mount Everest, what with the Polar Vortex dipping down so far. And it was COLD. It went right to my knees and one or two other joints as well. Talk about pain!

Oops! Sorry. Maybe the weather isn’t such a great subject, either.

That little diner on the corner serves a great breakfast. They offer a delicious omelet made with egg whites, and you can get grits or cream of wheat with it. If you have elevated cholesterol like I do, this is great.

Damn! I did it again!

That same diner also makes great hamburgers, cheeseburgers and chiliburgers. I hear they also have rice pudding that’s to die for. And that strawberry cake in the display case looks scrumptious. It’s too bad I can’t eat any of that …

Whew! I stopped myself just in time!

Okay, let’s try again.

Do you know that there are ten ways a cat shows affection to a human? It’s true. When your kitty bumps your leg with her nose or purrs in your ear, she’s saying, “I love you.” Your cat also knows when you don’t feel good, like your sinuses are blocked with hay fever.

Oh, to Hell with it! I’ll just go sit over there in the corner and sulk. That I CAN do.
Comic Sad Woman

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13 thoughts on “The Absolutely, Positively Not Boring Woman”

    1. I know, right?

      The thing is, what about senior citizens who have been exercising, dancing, lifting weights, eating right, etc. all their lives and, as a result, have bodies that are still in reasonable working order? I’ll bet their conversations are boring to those of us who happily abused our bodies for decades and now have the ailments to prove it.

  1. My husband and I were just commenting last night about how Saturday night has changed over time. There we were, rubbing bengay on each other and online shopping at Home Depot. I think it’s awesome!

    1. Yes, Bengay is the eau de cologne of the aging populace.

      I love shopping online. It beats wearing out the feet, carrying shopping bags and boxes around and going in and out of dressing rooms to try on clothes. Being able to shop in your PJs is one of the great things about progress.

  2. I talk mostly about sex. Due to its inappropriateness, people then beg me to talk about something else which leads to the topic of my ailments. A win-win for sure!

    1. I think sex is a very stimulating subject of conversation.

      Unfortunately, discussing sex with other aging people can also lead to discussion of ailments.

      Which leads to the question: where is that guy who gets a four-hour erection by taking Viagra?

  3. Happy Birthday Kathy.

    I don’t think anyone can win with that little diner on the corner. It’s getting quite the reputation.

    1. Hehe! I’m always glad to accept birthday wishes when they come several weeks later! 😀

      We have more than one little diner on the corner. We are a neighborhood of diners and discount stores. Maybe I’ll talk about them next!

    1. I have been known to suggest, when socializing with my fellow “people of a certain age” that we avoid the subject of ailments and talk about more interesting things. This works most of the time, but not always.

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