3-year-old: Daddy, are you stronger than a gorilla? Me: Is there one here? 3: No. Me: Then yes. Absolutely yes.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2014
3-year-old: What happens if my brain falls out? Me: You die I guess she actually said “braid.” Now she won’t let me take out her hair tie.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2014
3-year-old:*chewing* This gum is hard Me: I didn’t give you gum 3: It was stuck under the table And that was our last trip to McDonald’s.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 17, 2014
Me: Stop screwing around. 3-year-old: What does “screwing” mean? Me: 3: Me: 3: Me: Never mind. Carry on.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2014
Wife: You never do any foreplay. Me: *honks her boob* Are we good? Wife: Me: *honks it again* *loses hand*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 16, 2014