“Never give up.”–someone who wants you to waste your life at something you’re bad at
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2014
3-year-old daughter: *takes a bath* *spits* Me: Don’t spit in the tub. 3: OK. *spits over the side of the tub*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2014
The original Game Boy just turned 25. It’s still not ready to be a Game Man and leave Game Mom’s basement.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2014
Me: Would you be upset if I hit you with a folding chair? Coworker: Of course. Me: *hits him with a folding chair* Good.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2014
I’m glad I spent all that money on lawn fertilizer. Now I have much greener, healthier weeds.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 22, 2014