I saw my 1-year-old daughter walking around the house naked with my credit card. I hope that’s not a glimpse of the future. Somebody hold me
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2014
When I replaced the broken zipper on my coat with a paperclip, I instantly grew a MacGyver mullet.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2014
I saw a Volkswagen Beetle parked diagonally in the middle of 4 spaces & suddenly I have no idea how humans are the earth’s dominant species.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2014
Wife: Our toddler is so happy right now. Thanks for getting her that temporary tattoo. Me: Temporary?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2014
3-year-old: Are there zombies in space? Wife: Of course not Me: Unless one bites an astronaut. W:*death glare* Sorry for being accurate.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2014