What my pregnant wife and I brought to the maternity ward: 2 laptops 2 smartphones 1 tablet 0 desire to talk to each other
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2014
Me: Are you sure you should do that? Doctor: I’ve been doing this for 20 years. Me: I’ve seen 2 episodes of “Grey’s Anatomy.” Checkmate.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2014
Doctor:*breaks my wife’s water* I haven’t seen a gusher like that in a LONG time Me: Wow. Could you make this more awkward? Doctor: Woosh.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2014
My wife gets an epidural to lose feeling and it’s “medically justified” but I drink whiskey to do the same and I “have a problem.” Whatever.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2014
The nurse told my wife, “With the third baby, you won’t do much pushing.” I think that’s the medical version of “hot dog down a hallway.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2014
Meet Lucy, the 8 lbs. 8 oz. of baby it took my wife 40 weeks to make. Women are so inefficient. pic.twitter.com/NnDUXh7SnG
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 4, 2014
Congratulations! I can’t wait to see what fun the newbie brings to your posts!
Congrats! BTW, my father-in-law had four girls before he finally got two boys.
Hope is a dangerous thing. If we keep trying for a boy, we’ll end up with several dozen girls.
You’re the only person I know who can make labor hilarious!! Congratulations James!!
LOl, thanks. For some reason, my wife didn’t think it was so funny…
Your wife is one lucky woman…when you take into account that she lives in one of the most developed countries in the world…The end.
Congrats on the new addition.
You crack me up. That comment about women being inefficient after taking 40 weeks to make something was priceless.
And you still had time to post! Congratulations to all of you! How wonderful that another woman is now on this Earth waiting to frustrate you and make your life crazy. Just wait for the teen years…
Of course I had time to tweet. I’m not sure what else I would’ve done the whole time. I certainly wasn’t going to give her moral support.
Awwww…. congrats!