My mom: Stop making that stupid face. Me: This is my regular face. Mom: Me: Mom: Stop sitting where people can see you.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 8, 2014
4-year-old: The baby woke up all on her own. Me: You didn’t wake her up by being loud? 4: No, I was very quiet while I tickled her.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 8, 2014
4-year-old: If I had a genie, I’d wish everyone had a million dollars. Me: So you’d destroy the world with inflation? 4: Fucking hippie.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 8, 2014
“Oh, that shirt had buttons.”–me, at bath time right after I pull my kid’s head off
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2014
My 2-year-old held up an action figure and said, “It looks like you, Daddy!” I just wish it wasn’t Wonder Woman.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 8, 2014
