Steaming Hot Hotel Deals

With the movie version of 50 Shades Of Grey dropping on Valentines Day, hotels are offering movie-themed packages to draw customers. The B Ocean Resort in Fort Lauderdale is offering a collection of steamy amenities that include a silk tie, a bottle of Pouilly Fume wine, a cheese and fruit platter, and a “love kit.” Other hotels are offering amenities like spanking powder and trips to nearby sex museums.

Not to be left behind, a Motel 6 in Baltimore is getting in on the action. In a press release the motel stated: “We’re putting the ball back in Baltimore. If you’re looking to increase the size of your package, then stay with us on February 14^th. Our Bent Shades getaway will leave you filled with endless mamories” [sic.]

Amenities will include:

• A room where the paint has faded into fifty slightly different shades of grey.
• A room temperature set to 85 degrees with a humidifier running full blast.
• Unlimited access to grainy celebrity sex tapes.
• One voucher for a lingerie shopping excursion at a nearby Wal-Mart.
• For the guys, a $50 gift certificate at Sears for a DIY love-kit (power tools not included).
• Live, 24-hour chat-support with former IMF Director Dominique Strauss Kahn.

And as if that wasn’t enough to get your heart pounding:

For every noise complaint that draws the police, we’ll donate $25 to Unicef.

Space is limited, so sign up now. As for those gunshots? Just think of them as fireworks and everything will be fine.