We are flattered that you want to visit our city. However, we would be grateful to you if you would behave like a good tourist. When your cousin Sandy came around here several years ago, she left a huge mess, and she ran away without paying for the damage or helping to clean up. We hope that you are more civilized than she was.
If you must knock things down, try to make sure that they are not power lines. New Yorkers get grumpy in long blackouts. You do not want to make New Yorkers grumpy. They become very unpleasant when they are grumpy.
We need rain, so go ahead and give us some. Do try not to cause floods, though, and keep the storm surge to a minimum. The people in Lower Manhattan don’t like flooded basements and first floors. Most of them don’t own boats, and being required to swim just to get out of a building makes most people unhappy, especially if they are wearing street clothes instead of bathing suits.
We are guessing that you can’t help those riptides. We’re ahead of you there, though. We’re closing the beaches.
Oh, and one more thing – don’t stay too long. An uninvited guest who overstays her welcome is not appreciated.
Don’t worry. We’re ready for you!
The Residents of New York City