Breaking News: HO has been able to secure an exclusive interview with the baby who was thrown out of the Trump rally this week. I know, I can’t believe I landed this scoop either, but I was buzzing around the country covering the political race and “the baby” (due to his underage status, we cannot reveal his name) asked to speak to Humoroutcasts.com about the humiliation and frustration he felt on that momentous day.
HO: How is it that you attended this rally in Iowa?
Baby: Well, I was minding my own business, nursing away and my parents said “Let’s go see Donald. We love him and we know he loves babies. So, let’s bring the little tyke too.” So, off we went to see their hero.
HO: Did you feel as if you were not accepted from the beginning?
Baby: On the contrary, Iowans love babies. The whole state is about birthing babies to help with our farms. We need babies, so it didn’t dawn on anyone that a little crying would be a big deal. There was no “cry room” like they have in church so God doesn’t have to hear us screaming. God hates when we do that.
HO: When did the trouble begin?
Baby: I got a gas bubble. I had been nursing up a storm and I got the biggest gas bubble ever. I wanted my mom to pat my back so I could belch, but she was so caught up in the crowd and hoping Donald would reach down and kiss me so she didn’t see my distress. So, I had to be more insistent.
HO: Did the people around you get annoyed by your outburst?
Baby: Absolutely not. One woman even tried to make funny faces at me, so I would laugh. She even put on her Donald Trump mask. I do like funny faces (although the mask did creep me out a bit), but when I have gas, no amount of funny will improve my disposition.
HO: When did you know that Donald was upset?
Baby: It came as quite the surprise. I was feeling crampy and I did hear him say, “I love babies” so I thought I was okay. I thought he would take care of me and know how I was feeling. I was so wrong. Two minutes after his “loving babies” comment, he turned and kicked me out! That made me cry louder, and he got more upset. Well, it was a vicious cycle.
HO: What happened?
Baby: You would have to ask my mom all the details, but these big security adults came and they were not happy, and they told me I had to leave. Thank goodness they let my mom leave with me. They murmured something about drowning Donald out and now he is building a baby wall. It was all such a blur.
HO: Have you learned anything from this experience?
Baby: I’ve learned that if Donald says he cares about you, you better behave his way or you are out! I also learned never to chug your milk at a political rally.
Book deal and lawsuit to follow…