I’ll Read What She’s Reading

A French start-up is marketing a Bluetooth-enabled vibrator that’s paired with an erotic Ebook. During the smutty parts, you just tap the screen or shake the device and the vibrator starts right up.

“It’s going to generate some buzz,” quipped gadget reviewer Nate Hoffelder in the Digital Reader.

Is this an idea whose time has come? A librarian pal just posted a description of this new product on my favorite Facebook librarian hangout, with the question: “Who volunteers to be the first librarian to add these to their collection?

The first response?

“There’s not enough bleach in the world.”

The rest of the comments were similarly dismissive:

“My prediction: it will come and go.”

“Better living through technology [wocka wocka]”

“Well this will put a brand new spin on Book Club.”

“I can’t wait for the first patron who brings one in and asks us to help set it up.“

“I wouldn’t want to be the person who had to check it back in. But honestly, it would probably have fewer germs on it than the average board book.”

Here’s what I think. The folks who dreamed this up are missing an important opportunity. What a terrific way to motivate reluctant readers! Nobody really needs an incentive to read erotica. But if I’d known that I’d be rewarded with an orgasm at the end of every section, I might have actually opened my high school Chemistry textbook.

Why not pair a vibrator with every copy of the tax code? Or “The Beginner’s Guide To Digital Photography? Not to mention “ Medicare for Dummies!“

What if we could special order Vibrating Bestsellers to get us through those ultra-boring Book Group reads? We’d turn the 784 page “The Goldfinch” from a big yawn into a big yippee.

And what about Vibrating Classics? Maybe I’ll finally be able to finish Middlemarch!

Literature may be dead. But vibrating literature? It’s just getting started.

But if you’re expecting to be able to check one out from your local library? It‘s going to be a very long wait.

(Roz Warren  is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR.)