I knew it was time. It had to end. I had to face it, and I had to act.
Carrie was an attractive 37 year old woman I’d met several years ago in a writing class. I worked up the courage to call her and asked her to meet me in that favorite corner cafe we both loved so much.
“Perry, lunch was such a nice surprise,” said Carrie. “Is there something on your mind?”
“Dearest Carrie,” I began nervously, “I need to tell you something.”
“Yes, Perry?” Carrie asked sympathetically.
“For quite some time now, I’ve … umm, err … been having fantasies in which you and me have sex. Wild passionate uninhibited sex!”
“Gosh, Perry,” Carrie fumbled, a bit embarrassed, “I’m … I’m kind of flattered, I guess. But you don’t have to tell me this.”
“Yes, I do, Carrie,” I said. “Because the thing is … I’m breaking up with your fantasy!”
“I … I beg your pardon?”
“I’m breaking up with your fantasy. Thinking about sex with you just doesn’t do it for me anymore.”
“Well, frankly, you’re starting to look a little older to me. I’m seeing wrinkles, you’re not as fresh faced as you used to be, and honestly, Carrie, you could afford to drop a few pounds.”
“Wait a minute! Are you trying to tell me that …”
“That’s right: It’s not me, it’s you.”
“But why not have me doing something new to you? I could give you one hell of a fantasy …”
“It’s no use, you’ve done that! You and me have done just about anything and everything, and still you’re not doing it for me down below!”
“I can’t believe it! You can’t mean it!”
“Carrie, I’m sorry but I have to break up with your fantasy.”
“Well, I’m not accepting this fantasy breakup! You call me here and tell me you’re not going to fantasize screwing me anymore and I’m supposed to take it?!! No way, mister!!!”
“But, Carrie, be reasonable …”
“Are you fantasizing about someone else? Who is she, the bitch! Are you thinking about banging her right now?!!”
“That doesn’t matter, Carrie, the thing is …”
“How could you, you two-timing bastard?! Your fantasy breakup has ruined my life!!!”
For days after, Carrie was furious and wouldn’t speak to me. Then one day she showed up at my doorstep.
“Perry, there’s only one answer,” she said. “We need to have actual sex.”
And we did. And it was wonderful!
The only thing is, this last part didn’t happen; it’s my new Carrie fantasy. And it works great!
Breaking up is hard to do.
And fortunately for me and Fantasy Carrie, we didn’t have to.