Uber Driver Pepper Sprays Passenger After Flatulence Episode In The Car | HumorOutcasts

Uber Driver Pepper Sprays Passenger After Flatulence Episode In The Car

February 5, 2016
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Flatulent related attacks against Uber drivers have been up in recent months. Photo: Anti-Flatulence League.

Flatulent related attacks against Uber drivers have been up in recent months. Photo: Anti-Flatulence League.

TALAHASEE, FL – An Uber driver pepper sprayed a passenger in his vehicle during a violent flatulence incident late Saturday night that began with too much inexpensive draft specials, sliders, and bottom shelf liquor from a local late night dive bar.

According to a current police investigation, Geoff Grainger, 70, responded to the livery request of Ian Leonard, 22, who was at neighborhood spot Cocks and Hens. Extremely inebriated by his own omission, friends of Leonard got him in the car and once situated, the trouble began.

Shortly after pulling off, Leonard’s stomach began grumbling; Grainger claims uncontrollable belching began and the stench was unbearable in the confines of his Ford Fusion. In a statement given to the police, Grainger says he begged Leonard to roll his window down, fearing the interior stench would stick and devalue his vehicle. Investigators confirmed the vehicle only has 8400 miles on it.

Grainger’s request fell on deaf ears. Video surveillance from a dash cam shows Leonard attacking him with a severe noisy bout of flatulence that quickly and violently escalated. Several angles of footage show Leonard laughing while continuing to bombard Grainger with nauseating odors.

“Everything sounded so wet. I was afraid he was back there having a colonic on my backseat.” Grainger said to investigators.

Lab analysis from soiled samples in the vehicle’s interior shows high levels of anabolic malt, fermented corn maize, undigested animal enzymes, and musk like plant textures was the culprit for the chitterling sewage odor that reeked through the vehicle.

Reaching the point of suffocation, Grainger admits he pulled over initially to reason with Leonard about his behavior. Leonard, according to him, took an aggressive flatulence stance and bombarded him with multiple attacks, prompting him to defended himself by pepper spraying Leonard until the can ran dry.

“I was in fear for my life,” says Grainger, “he was yelling at me telling me to choke on it.”

Grainger, who is a retired Waffle House cook who also holds a Florida firearms license, says he was just following state law and standing his ground. Leonard, on the other hand, says the attack was not only intentional, but a hate crime against young adults.

“Grandpa just sprayed the crap out of me because I got wasted at a hole in the wall, said a frustrated Leonard outside of police headquarters. “Just because he’s one foot in the grave and can’t hold his butt pee sprits is no reason to come down on me because I can. I’m the youth of America and this is age discrimination.”

Leonard was arrested and charged with two counts of aggravated assault, a felony, and four counts of premediated battery. He was released from custody Monday after posting $5000 bond, and is scheduled for a February 26th court appearance.

Grainger was arrested and charged with one count possession of a restricted weapon, a felony; one count of aggravated assault was thrown out. He is currently still in custody awaiting donations for his $5000 bond; he is scheduled for a February 29th court appearance.

Uber said in an official statement that while flatulent attacks against their drivers has been hitting the news more regularly, attacks are down. However, they will continue to provide comfort and circulation to their passengers with updated guidelines for drivers on dealing with enclosed spaces.

“We definitely will take into consideration letting our drivers roll down their windows in the future.” said spokesman Rami Emmanuel. “Keeping the windows up is internal safety measures.”

In the meantime, Leonard plans to file an age discrimination suit against Grainger, as well as emotional distress suit against Uber for a poor rideshare experience after his trial.

“If I can help just one person stand up for their right to break wind and be their role model, I’ve done my job. It’s better out than in.”

Gwendolyn L. Spelvin

Gwendolyn L. Spelvin is a philosopher of the Edward Bernays Century of Self, a follower of Sigmund Freud’s explorations of the subconscious mind through chemical means, and an avid enthusiast of Adolph Hitler’s short-lived ballet career before he rose through the ranks of the Third Reich. Spelvin had dedicated her post academic career as an innovative writer that creates a written vision to prove misanthropic tendencies works with an audience, crafting a message that sways public approval towards her client’s products to the guarantee of the masses blindly supporting the company agenda without them knowing it. A dirty job, but someone has to pacify the idiots who know not what they blindly support into a continuing trek of oblivion. Last, but not least, Spelvin is a firm believer in the annihilation of the JUSTIN BELIBERS. Currently she is working on her cookbook, To Serve A Hot Man: Jeffrey Dahmer's Classic Recipes due out this Christmas.

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13 Responses to Uber Driver Pepper Sprays Passenger After Flatulence Episode In The Car

  1. February 8, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    Well, at least the offender didn’t call the driver an old fart.

  2. Deb Martin-Webster
    February 6, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    Uber Rule #253. Never pick up a fare from Taco Bob’s Refried Beans Cantina.

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 6, 2016 at 5:39 pm

      Elderly Uber drivers tend to ignore that, thinking they can “blend in”.

  3. February 6, 2016 at 9:11 am

    Remember when the word uber was used to mean above and beyond? C’mon Ian Leonard was just trying to embrace the uber brand. There aren’t enough overachievers out there like this guy.

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 6, 2016 at 5:41 pm

      This is what happens when you raise the retirement age on the Baby Boomers. Post WW2 work ethic!

  4. February 6, 2016 at 5:59 am

    Ironically, he’ll never get *either* smell out of his car.

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 6, 2016 at 5:42 pm

      I say he bottles it and calls it Eau De Uber Troix by Elderly Klein.

  5. Bill Spencer
    February 5, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    Expanding gas costs?

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 6, 2016 at 5:43 pm

      A lot of uber drivers are getting hit by it these days!

  6. Kathy Minicozzi
    February 5, 2016 at 6:33 pm

    This is the kind of music you don’t want to play in a car. 😉

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 6, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      Not everyone enjoys classic nature’s natural harp, now do they, lol.

  7. February 5, 2016 at 6:20 pm

    You are an inspirational fighter for the rights of the underdog?

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 6, 2016 at 5:45 pm

      I’m just a regular portable ACLU, now ain’t I? LOL.



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