Human Sexuality 101 | HumorOutcasts

Human Sexuality 101

August 24, 2017

I feel so fortunate that I got sexed in college. (Sorry, that should read “fortunate that I got Sex Ed in college.”) Yes, I got lucky.

I took Human Sexuality 101 at Mercer University and chose it for psychology credit. I also could have taken it as a sociology elective. This arrangement is what is known in academia as inter-course credit.

We had a textbook, and there were classroom lectures, but the learning experiences that stand out in my memory the most involved the days that our professor brought in anatomically correct, plastic models of the male and female nether regions. That’s the scientific termnether regions. I myself prefer the commoner designation“crotchal area.” On the days these models posed on the professor’s desk, the last half hour or so of the classes was devoted to a student-centered lab session. The teacher would appoint a student to be in charge and then leave the room so that students could learn by discovery. This is known as hands-on learning.

The day we were supposed to study the male anatomy model, the teacher chose guess who to lead an exploration into the male reproductive system. Yes, my teacher appointed me head of the penis study group. The blush-provoking details of that session I will not reproduce here.

When we all finished (simultaneously, I might add), it was my job to carry the model across campus to return it to the professor’s office. There was a small bag to put the model inbut it was a completely transparent bag. A small study guide slotted into the bag in the exact spot you’d expect to see a fig leaf. A female classmate took pity on me and offered to accompany me as I carried the plastic pelvislet’s call him Elvisas I carried Elvis the Pelvis through a gauntlet of surprised starescarried him aloft and proudly.

I do not at all mean to brag about my extended and deep sexual knowledge when I remind you that the professor chose me as a peer leader, nor do I mean to be immodest when I tell you that after I returned Elvis to my professor’s secretary and introduced myself, she actually saidthis is really true“Oh, you’re the brainchild of this class.”

No, I don’t want to brag, so let’s just leave it at this, which I know you’ve been curious about: I got an A.


My thanks to Wildacres Retreat, where this piece was written.

Bill Spencer

Bill Spencer's humor writing has been published by Funny Times, Narrative magazine, Reader's Digest, The Sun, The Inconsequential, Clever magazine, Defenestration, The Short Humour Site, Hobo Pancakes, and Nuthouse. He has also published scholarly articles on the novels of Cormac McCarthy and is co-author of an unproduced screenplay, "Angel Pays a Visit." He lives in a cabin in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife, artist-poet Carolyn Elkins.

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14 Responses to Human Sexuality 101

  1. August 30, 2017 at 10:07 pm

    If you don’t want to be Head of the Penis Study Group, you can always be Cock of the Walk. 😀

    • Bill Spencer
      August 31, 2017 at 7:07 am

      Is this offer firm?

  2. August 27, 2017 at 4:37 pm

    I was among the first students to take ‘Human Sexuality’ at the University of Maine in the 1970’s. Our professor really got into his work when he stumbled into the screen as he projected a giant anatomically correct slide of lady parts. We snickered like junior high students instead of the sophisticated college students we were impersonating. Today with hashtags, all the names of things have to be examined carefully. In your case #sexed becomes sexed. In my home town there is a new Bangor Arts Exchange and I guess you can tell the hashtag is confusing #bangorartsexchange. We didn’t talk about sex changes in the 70’s, did you?

    • Bill Spencer
      August 27, 2017 at 6:05 pm

      “bangorartsexchange” is very funny.

  3. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    August 27, 2017 at 1:58 pm

    I’m so happy to learn how the Prof. was taught.

    I’m aware that there’s a play on words available for taught (taut) but no point in bringing that up.

    • Bill Spencer
      August 27, 2017 at 2:55 pm

      I’m trying to design a program for achieving normal sexuality—but I still have a few kinks to work out.

  4. Marilyn
    August 25, 2017 at 6:39 pm

    I love your sense of humor!

    • Bill Spencer
      August 28, 2017 at 7:36 pm

      You are most kind.

  5. August 25, 2017 at 7:22 am

    Bill, can I add “head of the penis study group” to your biography here on HO? I think it will be a stand out or rather stand up credit!

    • Bill Spencer
      August 25, 2017 at 8:45 am

      Yes, please, Donna. Should it come next to my Nuthouse credit? I was so excited to be HEAD of the penis study group. Heck, I would have been excited just to be a member.

  6. August 25, 2017 at 7:18 am

    Loved all your play on words, Bill! Had me laughing out loud.

    • Bill Spencer
      August 25, 2017 at 8:38 am

      Words are our slides and swing sets—and Humor Outcasts is the playground Donna built for us. Meet you later at the monkey bars?

  7. John Spencer
    August 24, 2017 at 9:25 am

    You should be proud to be known as the brainchild of your class! You actually received an inter-course credit! I noticed that you protected the privacy of your professor in your humorous article! You are too kind! The professor was wise to give you an A on your report card after playing a practical joke on you! 😂

    • Bill Spencer
      August 24, 2017 at 10:05 am

      Thank you for commenting, John.

      I’m currently working on a master’s in Masters & Johnson. Haha.

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