With all the turmoil over the Trump Muslim Ban, I thought it would be nice to offer advice to the great one about other countries that might pose a risk to the US. Come on, what fun is it if we can’t tick off the entire world? I will warn you that some people might find that my immigrant ban nominations support stereotypes, but we are now in an era where political correctness and sensitivity are neither practiced nor encouraged. So here is my list for new bans and my reasons why they should receive an executive order:
Italy – two words: The Sopranos. Everyone knows behind every Italian is the mob, a machine gun and a guilt-imposing mother dishing out piles of pasta—the high-carb dish destined to destroy America’s health.
The Netherlands: Windmills, kinky sex, clogs and pot – need we say more?
Ireland – itchy wool sweaters and beer. I know a lot of people think beer is a peace-maker not a peace-taker. That, by the way, is the view of every Irish person I know in this world, and since my married name is Cavanagh, I know a lot.
All of Asia – I’m not going through individual countries here because there is only one issue that has warranted my immigration ban: driving. Yep, I said it. Yell, scream…whatever… but a lot of Asian drivers on our nation’s highways might be construed as a terrorist action.
Canada – too darn nice. How can we live in the utopia known as Trumpworld when there is an entire country next door that doesn’t get the mean factor?
Mexico –Just in case that wall thing doesn’t work out, we have to be ready to pounce. It’s not enough that our avocado supply has been stopped at the border. We need to ban sombreros, tacos and reruns of “The Love Boat” visiting Puerto Vallarta.
Great Britain – We threw them out once. If they come back in, we might never be able to get rid of them. They are sneaky, and this time they have a much better army than the guys in the bright red coats. Another danger with the British: They have great accents that Americans find sexy. This can only spell trouble for our national security.
Australia – You know what Australians will bring? Great white sharks, Koala bears and kangaroos. Sure, they will lull us with the cute and fuzzy animals and just when we are not looking—SNAP 50,000 of us gone at once and living in the belly of a big fish.
Scotland – Only because Trump’s family descended from this country. To be blunt: You owe us.
Russia – It might be too late for Russia. Rumor has it they already have a guy in the white house