A Horse’s Tale | HumorOutcasts

A Horse’s Tale

May 22, 2018
By

Stirring things up, as usual!

There are many, many colorful stories of the Old West. None are as fascinating as the tales of Edward Cremello, the Sleuth Horse of Wyoming. Edward, or “Ed,” as he was known to his fellow Pinkerton detectives, made himself a legend by working underground among gangs of outlaws. Edward was a mutant horse; he could talk, read, and write, and he had an IQ of 130. He was also a glutton for excitement and danger. Nobody ever knew what kind of brouhaha he would get himself into next, as the text of the following missive shows.

Wyoming
May 20, 1879
Report of Edward Cremello, Undercover Equine Detective

I regret to report that someone has discovered me. The fortunate thing about this is that the dirty stinking polecat who found me out is not going to report me to the rest of the dirty stinking polecats in this wretched gang of sinners, at least not right now. Instead, he is blackmailing me. He wants $10,000 in unmarked bills, to be left in a location of his choice.

You are going to ask how he discovered me. I would rather leave this undisclosed, but I will tell you, anyway. He caught me reading a wanted poster. I cannot read in silence. I will say no more.

The thing is if someone doesn’t give this renegade weasel $10,000 he’s going to tell his confederates that I can read and talk, which will make my future uncertain.

I assume that, if you give this snake the money, you will take it out of my salary. I only ask that you consider taking it out in installments, so that I won’t have to be without pay for three years.

Yours truly,

Edward (Ed) Cremello

Instead of paying off the blackmailer, the Pinkerton Agency had him arrested. In revenge, the man told everyone who would listen that Edward was a talking horse who could read. Nobody believed him, including his gang, who told tasteless jokes about him for years afterward. Edward lived to ripe old age (for a horse) and fathered many foals. There has been at least one talking horse in every generation of his descendants. His great-great-grandson, who was named after him, became an actor and starred in his own television series.

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Based on a writing prompt by Evan Austin, posted on May 17, 2018, in Facebook’s Writing Prompts Group

“You’re a horse in a gang of outlaws. What the outlaws don’t know is that you’re actually an undercover agent.”

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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5 Responses to A Horse’s Tale

  1. Bill Y "The Legendary Legend" Ledden
    May 27, 2018 at 5:54 am

    This was so colorful, I picked up my crayon and started coloring in the horse.

  2. May 22, 2018 at 8:20 am

    very clever piece1

  3. Bill Spencer
    May 22, 2018 at 6:25 am

    Have you ever seen a horse fly?

    • May 22, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      No, but I have seen a swan dive! 😉 😀



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