Come For The Great Gatsby, Stay For The Sardines | HumorOutcasts

Come For The Great Gatsby, Stay For The Sardines

August 20, 2018

Library patrons often bring coffee, soda or chips to the library where I work to snack on. But some patrons nosh on more surprising things. For instance? Here are a few of the food items librarians tell me they’ve recently found in their libraries:


A full bottle of vodka chilling in the toilet tank in the men’s room.

A box of fruit snacks, shelved like a book.

A can of artichoke hearts.

A bottle of real ketchup mixed in with the containers of pretend food in the junior room’s play kitchen.

Trail mix in the computer keyboards.

A banana in the book drop.

A slice of cheese as a book mark.

Chopped broccoli.

“The other day we found a plugged-in crock pot cooking something in the lobby. It smelled amazing.”

“We once had a patron plug in a blender and start making herself a smoothie. She was flummoxed when we told her that she couldn’t do that.”

A pile of onion peels on the floor by the new book display.

An empty Cool Whip container in the teen section with three spoons in it,

An entire rotisserie chicken on the counter in the bathroom.

Half a can of Vienna Sausage in a ficus tree.

Chicken bones stashed under the chair cushions

A large uneaten pizza sitting on a table in the quiet study section, We don’t know how it got there and nobody ever claimed it.

A cabbage.

A bowl of Fruit Loops.

A pineapple.

You can come to your local public library to sate your hunger for knowledge. Or your hunger for cheese, artichoke hearts and Fruit Loops. Either way, we’ll always be happy to see you.


Roz Warren

Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from The New York Times to The Funny Times, is the author of Our Bodies, Our Shelves: Library Humor and Just Another Day At Your Local Public Library: An Insider's Tales of Library Life, both of which you should buy immediately.

More Posts - Website - Twitter - Facebook

Share this Post:

Tags: , , , ,

6 Responses to Come For The Great Gatsby, Stay For The Sardines

  1. August 21, 2018 at 9:47 am

    I confess to eating while reading all the time, but it never occurred to me to do it at the library.

  2. Bill Spencer
    August 21, 2018 at 7:34 am

    Now we know what readers digest.

  3. Rod Bartchy
    August 20, 2018 at 7:18 pm

    Cheese?! Everyone knows that sliced turkey makes a better book mark. Jeez.

  4. Gail Lockman
    August 20, 2018 at 10:29 am

    Roz, we had a person who liked to make liverwurst sandwiches in the study carrels. Like he didn’t think we would smell it? He was always bringing in sandwich makings, smelly cheese was also a favorite.

  5. August 20, 2018 at 8:54 am

    It’s just amazing what happens in libraries, Roz. You have opened my eyes. When I go into any local library now, I see it differently. Still love them, but I realize there’s a lot going on.

User Login

Help Keep HumorOutcasts Going!

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Maybe Kevin
By Brian Kiley and HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle

New Release
Daddy duJour
By Barbara Hammond and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle