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“We changed the Terms & Conditions of the Trump Mobile Phone from “Made in the USA” to “Made up in the USA” and “refundable deposit” to “Later, losers.” This happened due to an unforeseen arrangement of words and is Biden’s fault. Instead of Siri, you get Stephen Miller and you can only text in CAPS. It also comes with 12 free pardons and “Biden’s Fault” wallpapers and ringtones.” – Donald Trump, maybe…
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Tag: library humor

From Bacon To Meth: The World’s Weirdest Bookmarks

September 23, 2018September 24, 2018 Roz Warren

When you work in a library, you soon learn that patrons can make use of some rather unlikely things to mark their places as they read, which they’ll often forget to remove when the books […]

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1 CommentEveryday Lifebookmarks, librarians, library, library humor

Come For The Great Gatsby, Stay For The Sardines

August 20, 2018August 20, 2018 Roz Warren

Library patrons often bring coffee, soda or chips to the library where I work to snack on. But some patrons nosh on more surprising things. For instance? Here are a few of the food items […]

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6 CommentsEveryday Lifelibraries, library humor, pizza, snacks, The Great Gatsby

What Would Steven Slater Do? (WWSSD?)

May 14, 2018May 14, 2018 Roz Warren

By: Janet Golden and Roz Warren Several summers ago, flight attendant Steven Slater, fed up with dealing with the public, cursed, grabbed a beer and slid down the evacuation chute of the JetBlue aircraft that […]

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Lifestylelibrarians, library, library humor, library laughs, Steven Slater

Ready For Adventure? Me Neither

April 10, 2018April 10, 2018 Roz Warren

While looking at Match.com profiles recently, I was struck by how many men not only describe themselves as “adventurous” but are seeking women who are also adventurous. I’m not adventurous. Not even a little. I’m […]

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4 CommentsEveryday Lifeadventure, dating, library humor, online dating

It’s A Taxing Time To Be A Librarian

February 1, 2018February 1, 2018 Roz Warren

The seventeenth of April is on the horizon, and librarians all over the country are bracing themselves for the sea of patrons who are about to surge, tsunami-like, into our workplaces, demanding tax forms. Over […]

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Everyday Lifelibraries, library humor, tax day, tax forms, tax humor

  ORSON SCOTT CART, MEET LOUISA MAY ALCART: TOP TWENTY NICKNAMES LIBRARIANS HAVE GIVEN TO BOOKCARTS

January 24, 2018 Roz Warren

 If you work in a library, you work with book carts, so naturally you give them nicknames. You could call your faithful book cart Bumpy, Squeaky, Rusty or Tipsy.  But surely you can do better […]

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1 CommentEveryday Lifebook cart, librarian, library, library humor, nicknames

Mr. Creeping Hands, Gum-Popping Granny and Crabby Newspaper Guy: Welcome To Your Local Library

December 22, 2017December 22, 2017 Roz Warren

At the library where I work, we have an incredibly challenging patron whose imperious demands, unpleasant attitude and relentless sense of entitlement annoy and depress us all so much that we’ve nicknamed her “Sunshine.” (Never […]

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8 CommentsEveryday Lifelibraries, library, library humor, nicknames

Bookmarks From Hell — A List of Unsavory, Alarming and Downright Nasty Things Librarians Have Recently Found in Library Books

July 24, 2017 Roz Warren

A dead frog A used band-aid A squashed and leaking Ketchup packet. Bedbugs A tampon Toe nail clippings Dozens of baby roaches A slice of bacon Boogers A used Q-Tip A used condom (and it […]

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7 CommentsEveryday Lifebook marks, librarians, libraries, library humor

Here’s Swearing At You, Kid!

October 28, 2016October 28, 2016 Roz Warren

After graciously coping with a library patron who began screaming at me when I told him there was a fine on his card, I logged onto my favorite Librarian Facebook hangout and asked: Have you […]

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11 CommentsEveryday Lifelibrary, library humor, profanity, swearing

Library Work! It’s a Dream Job.

December 23, 2015December 23, 2015 Roz Warren

I work at the circulation desk at a public library. I recently had a dream in which one of our most challenging patrons apologized for being such a nuisance, then meekly paid all her fines. […]

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20 CommentsEveryday Life, Lifestyledreams, librarian, librarians, libraries, library, library humor, library laughs, library life, Roz Warren

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