Here’s Swearing At You, Kid!

cussingAfter graciously coping with a library patron who began screaming at me when I told him there was a fine on his card, I logged onto my favorite Librarian Facebook hangout and asked: Have you ever been tempted to swear at work? And have you ever given in to this temptation?

Within a day, I’d received 84 responses. A sampling?

Fuck yeah, I curse at work! But never in front of patrons.

If patrons are near, I limit myself to “son of a monkey!”

I put the “cuss” in “customer service.”

I shout “Kuken,” the Swedish word for dick, whenever I drop something.

Alas, we aren’t allowed to swear at my library, not even in the office where the patrons can’t hear us. I have to fall back on “fudge” or “darn.”

I can’t outlaw swearing because I’m the library director and I swear all the time. This job inspires a lot of WTFs.

I actually told my boss when I interviewed for this job that swearing was one of my flaws. And I got the job!

I swore at work today, while using a computer. That’s why they call it a “cursor.”

My supervisor swears like a stevedore. What fun we have…

I can swear in four languages, which came in handy when I dropped a volume of the OED on my foot while working in the library of a Southern Baptist college and cut loose with a fluid stream of invective… in French.

I consider swearing to be the last refuge of the inarticulate. That being said, if you don’t swear much, when you do swear it surprises the shit out of people.

My husband likes to use words that sound like swear words but aren’t. His current favorite? “G. Gordon Liddy!”

Working in the Children’s Room means that I have to employ alternatives. I use “Drat” and “What the deuce?” Frequently.

I work at a high school library. I’ll substitute the word “plum” for any F-bombs. As in “Caleb, what the plum are you wearing?”

One of my co-workers shouts “Bad word! Bad word! Bad word!”

This week I swore in front of one of our sweet young teen pages. When I apologized, she laughed at me.

I swear all the time. But I’m a sailor and it’s an important part of our culture, so don’t try to oppress me.

Strong emotions call for strong language. And we librarians are passionate people, right? We sure as fuck aren’t in it for the money.

If I couldn’t curse at work I would fucking explode!

In conclusion? Shut up and pay your fine without giving us any guff, you son of a monkey. Unless you want to see your librarian explode.

(Roz Warren is the author of OUR BODIES, OUR SHELVES: A COLLECTION OF LIBRARY HUMOR.

Share this Post:

11 thoughts on “Here’s Swearing At You, Kid!”

  1. When I took my (then) 8-year-old daughter to see The Goodbye Girl in 1977, as we walked out of the theater, I mentioned that the little girl in the movie knew every swear word in the book. After a while, she asked me, “Mom, what’s the name of that book?”

  2. I can swear in Italian, Hungarian, Arabic and German. German cusses are not very inventive, but they sound worse than they are because of the way the language is pronounced.

    Of course, I’m not a librarian. I’m a singer and a writer. Cussing is normal for us.

  3. I’d like to know your favorite librarian Facebook hangout so I can join my people. It’s a good thing we librarians don’t have visible thought bubbles above our heads.

  4. With all the reference material at your disposal, I’d think librarians have the edge when it comes to developing a healthy vocabulary of swear words in any language. Lucky you!

Comments are closed.