In the event that any of my family members thinks I’m poking fun at them on the sly in the following list, allow me to say, it’s all just good, fun humor folks. Sure, a couple of relatives may have “inspired” some of my colorful mentions . . . but in any case, the following list is one I originally posted in 2007 on my blog (Lori’s Old School Mix). Enjoy the Remix and Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
1) The well-intentioned, but obviously clueless relative who insists on bringing the same nasty a$$ dish every year that nobody wants to eat.
2) The uncle who, instead of saying grace, delivers a ten-minute mini sermon.
3) The auntie who always smells like a right lethal combination of bourbon and Bengay
4) The relative who insists on talking non-stop and in full detail about everybody’s medical ailments, health issues, treatments and operations.
5) The greedy a$$ cousins who never bring anything, but eat like field hands and lumberjacks and take two and three foil-wrapped plates home.
6) The sticky-fingered relative you have to stop at the door and pat down and/or wand before he/she leaves.
7) The sticky-fingered relative’s shifty-eyed friend, who you highly suspect may be casing your place and planning to come back later.
8) The dear old uncle who generally smells like a right rank combo of moldy, wet tobacco and burnt garlic.
9) The big-mouthed relative who, when he’s not bragging about his exploits, is telling the same lame, boring a$$ stories/lies he tells every year.
10) The kindly neighbor with the 25 house cats, dogs and/or rats who always wants to drop by with a homemade dish.
11) The sweet, little ole aunt who criticizes your every dish while steadily stuffing her face.
12) The bad a$$ kids or drunk male relatives who go into your bathroom and aim at everything, but the freaking commode.
13) The so-called good friend who only wants to come over so he/she can laugh at all of the fools in your crazy a$$ family.
Feel free to make your own additions to the list!