Ordinarily, I don’t condone violence and I haven’t watched professional wrestling since I was a kid. But the following are 9 matches I’d love to see. My list also reflects the fact that I watch entirely too much MSNBC.
Mitch McConnell vs The Notorious RBG (aka the Honorable Ruth Bader Ginsburg) Mitch looks like he’d be a biter, doesn’t he? Can’t you see him, dentures bared, ready to spring off the ropes and pounced down on Ginsburg, grim reaper style? But RBG is sure to summon her inner Bruce Lee and haul off with a lightning speed drop kick that will send Mitch’s glasses sailing in one direction and his chompers in another.
Lindsey Graham vs The Squad (aka Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Ayanna Pressley and Rashia Tlalib) I’ve got Lil Lindsey pegged as a runner. I can see him now–trying to keep his ill-fitting wrestling tights from riding up on him as he leaps out of the ring and sprints through the studio audience with The Squad hot on his heels. The ghost of John McCain would no doubt be sitting ringside, shaking his head and thoroughly disappointed that Lil Lindsey would chose to run from a bunch of girls (aka talented, intelligent and determined women) rather than climb in the ring and fight like a man (or cowardly lion as the case maybe).
Maxine Waters vs Bill O’Reilly Remember when O’Reilly made the crack about Waters wearing a James Brown wig? Wouldn’t it be great to see Aunt Maxine snatch off her wig and slap the stew out of O’Reilly with it? Only thing that might make that particular wrestling match better would be if James Brown’s “Payback” and/or “Say It Loud” were thumping on blast in the background.
Sheryl (of State Farm’s “Sheryl’s she shed” fame) vs Limu Emu (Liberty Mutual) Granted, they were cute and funny at first. But sheesh, enough already! As far as the results of this commercial match–my sincere hope would be that they would waste little time in annihilating one another.
Omarosa vs Cardi B. To the less observant, it might seem that these two would be on the same team. Ha! The more astute among us know better. Anyway, remember that Cardi B. meme that was going around? Can’t you just see a version with little hands-on-hip Cardi telling Omarosa, “My mama said, you wasn’t nothin’ but an ole lying, conniving heifer whose 15 minutes of fame been done expired! Okuuuurt!” No doubt, this would be a match with lots of screaming, hair pulling and mugging for the cameras.
Bill Cosby vs Harvey Weinstein Okay, to be fair, given Cosby’s alleged disability (aka blind man’s bluff), this would have to be an arm wrestling match. The winner of the bout would receive same-sex prison massages and tainted drinks for life. Something tells me it would likely end in a tie.
Kellyanne Conway and Sarah Sanders vs Nina Turner Not only could Ms. Nina single handedly take on these two trash-talking twits, I have no doubt that she’d serve up quite the ass-whupping royale. Hell, the tongue-lashing alone Ms. Nina would most certainly treat them to would be more than worth the price of the ticket. You know Kellyanne would spend the bulk of her time in the ring trying to hide behind Sarah.
Bernie Sanders vs Stephen Miller Miller looks like the type who’d pick a fight with an old man–only to end up getting his ass beat. Afterward, if we were lucky, we’d get to see a triumphant Bernie treat his bruised and battered opponent to an up-close and personal shout and spittle-filled stump speech.
Rudy Giuliani vs. The US Women’s National Soccer Team Not every member of the team, mind you, because that would be a tad unfair. But it would be highly entertaining to see a handful of soccer players take turns slinging Rudy G. against the ropes before flipping him upside down and body slamming him onto the mat one good time or two.
Feel free to join in the fun. What smack-downs would you like to see?