The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy.
Life’s greatest problem is to keep getting up after you fall down. If you can do that it won’t matter how many times you fall, because you’ve harnessed the secret of zombies.
If people don’t respect their elders, why would they seriously consider something written by a dead person? Whatever your answer is, it can’t be denied that young people today have a problem: how to build […]
I live every new day to its fullest, but I get out of bed in the morning because I don’t want to wet the mattress.
I want to have a place to live, wear nice suits and get paid to have my boss grovel at my feet. I want to be the butler to a sycophant.
Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.
People say a lot of the comedians today just employ toilet humor, and that offends me. “It isn’t toilet humor,” I tell them, “It’s restroom humor, and third-world audiences resent it.”
My marriage counselor gives me a lot of helpful advice. She says things like, ‘Naughty husband,’ and ‘Right there,’ and ‘Yeah, more.’