Buying a Car Drove Me to Crazytown (with alternate endings)
Last summer when I began in earnest to shop for a car, I didn’t know what I was in for. I hadn’t bought a car since 1999, in a previous century—in fact, in a previous […]
Tag: Bill Spencer
Goblin to the Core
My wife, Carolyn, recently announced to me that the style of our house decor is “goblincore.” I was stupefied. I love my house and had never thought of it as even remotely creepy or goblinish. […]
Go Ahead: Discount My Wife
My wife has this bizarre power over money that I can’t think of a rational explanation for. Though she has never earned all that much money through her salaries, she has always been able to […]
A Series of Unfortunate First Dates
I know that almost everyone has had a number of bad dating experiences, but mine were so bad that I almost never made it to a second date. And how many of you can truthfully […]
Intra-Couple Intercourse
Recently, my wife, Carolyn, returned from a store trip, and I followed her upstairs to surprise her with the news I’d folded all the laundry in her absence, but before I opened my mouth, she […]
Gardening–The Naked Truth
My obituary will probably say, “He enjoyed gardening.” This will be a lie. “He enjoyed gardening” conjures a romantic image of me as smilingly strolling through tall waves of colorful, sweetly fragrant flowers, leisurely cutting […]
My Body Is a War Zone
Doctors and health gurus tell you to listen to your body, and that sounds reasonable until you put it into actual practice.The problem is that different parts of my body don’t all agree; in fact, […]
Never Marry an Artist
Do you like having at least a speck of uncovered top space in your house? Then don’t say “I do” standing next to an artist. My wife, Carolyn, has her own entire studio under our […]
Unemployment Note
Artwork by Lauren Faulkenberry. Idea/text by Bill Spencer. Bill Spencer is author of Uranus Is Always Funny: Short Essays to Make You Laugh. Lauren Faulkenberry is a novelist and illustrator living in western North Carolina. […]