10 Places Beach Balls Are Not Welcome

Beach ball ice skating??? - Creative Commons: bytegirl24

I was jogging the other day through a park near our home, and I saw a group of kids playing with a beach ball – trying to keep it off the ground.

It got me thinking of concerts I attended in college, when I worked the ticket booth at an amphitheater.

Every show, someone felt it was their civic duty to bring a beach ball to the event and start knocking it around audience.

It seemed appropriate when The Beach Boys performed – not so much, when it was Andrea Bocelli.

That got me thinking about some inappropriate places where beach balls might be less appreciated. Here’s a list:

10. An IRS audit

9. A colonoscopy exam

8. A prison riot

7. Arbitration for a divorce (this one is iffy since a celebration might be in order in some cases.)

6. A root canal

5. Virtually any meeting between Vice President, Joe Biden and President Obama after Biden speaks publicly on a dicey topic, forcing the VP to hop away with his chronic case of foot-in-mouth disease.

4. A typical CIA information gathering session replete with waterboards and fire hoses.

3. Any meeting of the Republican National Committee as they try to identify a viable candidate for this year’s presidential election.

2. The quarterly review of your 401(K) statement.

1. The birth of a child (I’ll have to ask my wife about this one since we’re expecting our third…)

Question: Any other plays where a beach ball might be inappropriate?

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8 thoughts on “10 Places Beach Balls Are Not Welcome”

  1. Any public men’s rest room where hollering, “Swat the balls” may be misunderstood.

  2. I don’t think our priests or most of our congregation would appreciate a beach ball in church during Mass.

    It doesn’t fit in very well on a subway train, either, even if the bearers are headed for the beach at Coney Island.

    1. Hah, good one Kathy! I might disagree with some of the NYC trains – there is definitely a circus atmosphere at times when street performers take over a car or those crazy kids from “Fame” (I hate when that happens)!

  3. I spot an opportunity here. You should start something called ‘Where’s the beach ball’. It could be like ‘Where’s Waldo’ except Waldo would be a beach ball. I’m already looking for it.

  4. I would give anything to watch a ball get tossed around at the Republican National Convention. I don’t know why but spontaneous ball playing doesn’t seem to fit. Also, I bet if I brought one to an audit, I would scare the IRS guy/woman enough that they let me off the hook?

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