1. Listen to your computer-loving, techie-type friends when they give you advice about things you should do with your computer. If you ignore them, and you get into problems, this is the person you should blame:
2. It is not nice to hack into a website just because its owners have been lazy, cheap or dumb enough to let it become an easy target, find a list of email addresses and publish them on the internet. It’s hard enough for someone like me to memorize “strong” passwords without having to change them all the time. A pox on you, you … you … fucking lowlife cocksuckers!*
3. If you have an opportunity to use a co-worker’s computer in the office, it is not good manners to visit pornography sites, especially if you neglect to delete the “history” and all the tracking cookies. It is especially bad manners to leave a particularly raunchy picture up on the screen for your co-worker to find when he or she gets back to the desk, especially if the co-worker has no idea of the quickest way to get the image off the screen.
4. If you have a newer, better computer than someone else, please be kind enough not to brag about it incessantly. If you do, you alone will be responsible for whatever physical violence ensues.
5. Please don’t send those mass-forwarded emails, especially the chain mail variety, to everyone in your address book. If you do forward those to someone, please delete all those lists of email addresses before hitting “send.” If you do not do this, and some enterprising person gets hold of all those nice, active addresses, there will be a great explosion of spam in the land and everybody will blame you.
6. Anyone who automatically hits “reply to all” on every message should have all email privileges revoked until he or she gets over the habit.
*Miss Computer Manners apologizes to her more sensitive readers for her momentary lapse in language. There just wasn’t any better way to say it.