Blog Archives

Unicorn Bites #581

December 20, 2014
By

4-year-old: Why do cows only make milk? Me: What else should they make? 4: Nachos — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 6, 2014 I’m sick of sitting at home staring at my phone. I want to travel the world…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #580

December 20, 2014
By

2-year-old: *walks into the room* I AM NOT A FISH. *walks out the room* I’m glad she cleared that up. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2014 4-year-old: I can speak another language. Me: What…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #579

December 19, 2014
By

4-year-old: It’s bad luck if a black cat crosses your path. Me: No it’s not. 4: It is if it’s a panther. Touché. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 3, 2014 4-year-old: Do you know how…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #578

December 19, 2014
By

Professor: Which dynasty came after the Ming Dynasty? Me: Professor: Me: Duck? — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 2, 2014 Wife: You didn’t do anything today. Me: I quit smoking. Wife: You never smoked. Me: OK.…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #577

December 18, 2014
By

4-year-old daughter: *watches “Jurassic Park”* I don’t like the T. rex. Me: Why not? 4: He’s a dick. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 1, 2014 4-year-old: I found two pennies. Me: So? 4: I don’t need you anymore. —…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #576

December 18, 2014
By

Me: You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. Do you know what that means? 4-year-old: Horses are stupid. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 30, 2014 4-year-old: I don’t want a…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #575

December 17, 2014
By

Wife: Jogging burns 300 calories. Me: What about napping? Wife: Like 1 calorie. Me: *takes 300 naps* — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 29, 2014 4-year-old: When does Monopoly end? Me: When someone gets punched in…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #574

December 17, 2014
By

My wife asked me to carry our 9-foot Christmas tree up three flights of stairs. Now I’m Jewish. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2014 Me: Clean up your room. 2-year-old: I don’t have to.…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #573

December 16, 2014
By

My wife texted me to ask how many beers I’ve had. My phone changed “none” to “nine.” Autocorrect is a fucking narc. — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2014 4-year-old: What’s for lunch? Me: It’s Thanksgiving. What do…

Read more »

Unicorn Bites #572

December 16, 2014
By

People who go to hell: 1) ax murderers 2) Nazis 3) people who send game invites on Facebook — Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 26, 2014 Me: *guzzles wine* Wife: That’s not how you do a wine tasting. Me: Sorry. *guzzles wine…

Read more »

User Login

New Release
How to Write and Share Humor
By Donna Cavanagh Published by HumorOutcasts Press

Available in Paperback and Kindle



New Release
Heartly God?
By Wil 3. and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle


New Release
Farewell Amelia Mary: Long Time Looking
By H.J. Worthington and Shorehouse Books

Available in Paperback and Kindle






Archives