Trip to Walmart | HumorOutcasts

Trip to Walmart

June 2, 2011

I went to Walmart a few weeks ago, because they were having a sale on wife beaters. Not actually people who beat wives, even though I’m sure they work there, but white tank tops. They were like 99 cents for a pack of 100, but whatever. I don’t actually wear them, I use them to sling grapefruits at my neighbor’s cats. You’d be surprised how quickly you’ll go through a 100 of them, so I planned on buying five packs. Anyway, when I got to the store, there were a ton of people there for the sale –well actually, maybe 2 tons of people, I’m not really good at guessing weights. I was really surprised that for such a great deal targeted at the Walmart demographic, that only eight people showed up.


They were big, really big, so big in fact that every one of them was driving those little three-wheeled buggies. I don’t even know what you call them, but when I went over to the sale area to grab some shirts, it seemed like they were all backing up at the same time. It sounded like a tacky disco with all the beeping. I started to dance, because I can. Then I stuffed the five packs of t-shirts down my pants, and walked out of the store like some kind of common criminal. I might get a tattoo now.

Kevin Woolery

Mostly untrue stories, and rants from an aspiring stand-up comedian, and comedy writer. Born, raised, and currently residing in Los Angeles, CA. Follow me at

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8 Responses to Trip to Walmart

  1. June 3, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Thank you all for the comments, I look forward to contributing some funny stuff to an already funny site.

  2. June 3, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    I really enjoyed this, Kevin. Thank you for sharing and welcome aboard.

  3. June 3, 2011 at 9:02 am

    So, you hurl grapefruit at cats? How come nobody else noticed that line? LOL Too funny!

  4. Deb Martin-Webster
    June 3, 2011 at 8:53 am

    One can never have too many wife-beaters! Fun read Kevin! Welcome to HO!

  5. June 3, 2011 at 12:42 am

    You gotta be less than 200 lbs to sport a wife-beater correctly. They just don’t look good on the Hoverround crowd.

  6. Jack Sass
    June 2, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Hey, those wife-beaters would show off that Tat nicely, just say’n. 😉 Welcome to “HO”!

  7. Elizabeth Dickinson
    June 2, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    Great job, Kevin! Welcome aboard.

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