After I paid for my Christmas tree, the guy at the register said I should find Jesus. I tried, but he was busy tying down someone elses tree
Republicans are speculating as to why Romney lost the election. My theory is that after they counted the votes, he received less than Obama.
My girlfriend wanted me to go down there, if you know what I mean, but screw that, she’s not the only one who’s afraid of the basement.
Ricki Lake, Arsenio Hall, and Bill Clinton are back in the spotlight, which can only mean that my mom’s Beanie Babies are probably worth a fortune.
I started using nicotine gum to quit smoking, and I think it’s working, I can’t get the damn pieces lit, and I keep burning my nose.
So, the RNC is going on whether or not Hurricane Isaac hits. Good thing Mitt’s protected from flying debris by his hair helmet.
I asked my grandpa what the secret was to his long relationship with my grandma, but he didn’t answer because his hearing aid was turned off
I hope scientists are working on a gravy bomb just in case we ever get into a war with Turkey.
If you can’t tell your ass from a hole in the ground, fence building is probably a bad career choice.
First, Vidal Sassoon passed away in May, then Gore Vidal died a couple days ago. If I was Al Gore, I’d be crapping my pants right about now.