D. J. Cuddles here, reporting for the hospitality industry as an audio tech host. Before you run to Wikipedia for interpretation, let me explain. An audio tech host is a specially trained person in the scientific skills of audio technology combined with the special skills as a host serving the public. Moving on!
When one is working with old, old, and old Mp3 audio instruments, one can expect a multitude of now, now, and now breakdowns. Our current audios come in three health categories – well, sick, and hospice care. This creates a real challenge to maintain the players in a working mode, and creates a lot of fun images and responses that we would like to share with the innocent public, but is not in the best interest of hospitality.
You know something is up when you see a guest running toward the audio cart clutching their audio and headset with a frantic expression on their face. Putting on your host smile you graciously say,
“May I help you?”
“Yes. My audio died.”
“Not to worry. Please know that in addition to magnificent tours, we also offer scheduled funeral services held in the lovely indoor atrium and outside in the fountain garden. Please check the host station to make arrangements. We will notify the next of kin, and flowers may be purchased through floral services. Music is optional for an additional fee.”
Here comes another guest. “My audio skips.”
“How exciting, you should see the ones that tap dance. In the evening we have special audio dance programs featuring professional audio groups ending with a rousing audio karaoke event. These programs are featured in our summer concert series. Tickets may be purchased at the host station. Be sure to see my favorite group, the clogging audios!”
Oh my, someone else. “Hi. My audio keeps repeating itself.”
“How sad. Audio dementia can be so distracting. Security will be here momentarily to whisk away this poor soul to our health maintenance department for special evaluation and treatment. In the meantime please accept one of our award winning audios for outstanding service and quality.”
“May I help you, sir?”
“Yes. I only have sound out of one side of my audio headset. May I please see your audio voucher. Well, I see that you only purchased a half priced ticket which entitles you to one sided sound only. You do however have a choice of right or left side. We can make that adjustment here at the audio stand with the proper headset. For full stereo sound please contact the host station for further instructions. Have a wonderful day.”
“My audio is scratchy.”
“We can take care of that madam. Our medical staff is quite informed with many varieties of summer itch conditions that could cause a scratchy response. All audios and headsets are disinfected and properly cleaned between uses and in the evening before bedtime. However, we never know when one of those audio rascals strikes out on its own to enjoy the pleasures of an evening romp. Bless its little heart!”
And so it goes. D.J. Cuddles reporting hospitality news for the enlightened. Cheers!