Mom and Dad Moving Company | HumorOutcasts

Mom and Dad Moving Company

August 23, 2012
By

IKEA stuff © by kalleboo

My daughter and I stood waiting for my husband to back our rented cargo van into the loading space in the IKEA parking lot.  On our store cart sat a box spring and mattress for a queen-size bed plus 18 cardboard boxes whose contents contained my daughter’s yet-to-be assembled bedroom set which we were going to move into her new apartment. I’m not sure why my husband, daughter and I thought we could handle this move on our own, but we were wrong.  However, let me say in our defense that we were not naïve. We had four years of moving her into college apartments under our belt, but for this move, we needed Superman or at least two guys on a steroid overload.

After my husband backed up the van, I opened the rear doors. Already inside the van was a sofa that my brother had donated for my daughter’s new digs. I looked at the full cart, and I looked inside the van, and I knew we were in trouble.  The box spring was first to go into the van and that was not bad. The problems started when we attempted to maneuver the mattress into the van. We pushed the mattress half-way in, but it would go no further.  In the front cab, my daughter and my husband pulled the mattress toward them.  I pushed the mattress from my location inside the van where I was sandwiched between the box spring, sofa and mattress. Since I was underneath the mattress, I was not aware that  shoppers had gathered to watch this performance.

“Push!  Just a little more!” my husband yelled.

“I am pushing! I’m pushing as hard as I can,” I groaned in a very loud voice.

“Just a little more – Push! You can do it!”

I was surprised when a man leaned into the van, and even though he could not see me, asked, “Do you need help? Should I call an ambulance?”

“No, I don’t think we are that bad off. We’re okay,” I gasped.

After we got the mattress secured, I inched my way out of the van and saw the crowd. The man who had asked to help saw my puzzled look and said,

“We thought you were giving birth.”

“Get outta here! Me? Hey, I might be able to push a mattress into this van, but I’m not pushing anything out in this van.”

Disappointed that no new baby named IKEA had arrived on the scene, the crowd dispersed and we moved on to our next phase of labor and delivery. Lesson learned: Next time she moves, we hire professionals or at least an OB/GYN.

This  is an essay from my new book Try and Avoid the Speed Bumps. I figured it was safe to publish it here now too.

Donna Cavanagh

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and the partner publishing company, HumorOutcasts Press which now includes the labels Shorehouse Books and Corner Office Books (HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com). As "den mother" to the more than 100 aspiring and accomplished writers, producers, comics and authors, Cavanagh's goal is to allow creativity to flow. She is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience when her work landed in the pages of First Magazine and USA Today. She teaches the how-to lessons of humor and publishing at conferences and workshops throughout the country including The Philadelphia Writers' Conference and Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The author of four humor books, Cavanagh hopes her latest book, How to Write and Share Humor: Techniques to Tickle Funny Bones and Win Fans, will encourage writers not only to embrace their humor talents but show them off as well.

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8 Responses to Mom and Dad Moving Company

  1. August 24, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    I laughed lots and have just found my newest, favorite Donna post.

    • August 24, 2012 at 2:07 pm

      Can I please change ‘me’ for ‘my’ in that last comment and pretend it never happened? Cheers!

      • August 24, 2012 at 2:09 pm

        And by magic it is gone! HA HA Glad you enjoyed it Mr. Ledden. And it is totally true.

  2. August 24, 2012 at 1:19 am

    Haha this is a first and Ive been in the moving business for years. I love the stories that are funnier once you picture it in your head..Pushhhh Pushhhh. lol

    • August 24, 2012 at 8:03 am

      Thanks so much. It means a lot coming from a moving professional. Next time, we are calling you. Are you in Philly area?

  3. Nancy Berk
    August 23, 2012 at 11:36 pm

    Ikea, apartments, and parenting can be hilarious, especially when Donna shares her perspective.

  4. Ted Thomas
    August 23, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    My wife gave me her copy of this to read after I kept asking what she was laughing at. I have to tell you I laughed a lot. For anyone interested, this excerpt is very representative of the whole book.

    • August 23, 2012 at 9:27 pm

      Thanks Ted. I appreciate the nice review.



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