President Obama Officially Declares Mississippi A Disaster Area | HumorOutcasts

President Obama Officially Declares Mississippi A Disaster Area

May 23, 2013
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President Obama today toured the damage left behind by the devastating tornadoes that rocked Moore, Oklahoma and the surrounding areas and responded by declaring Mississippi a disaster area.

Disaster

“We all feel Oklahoma’s loss and are deeply saddened by the tragic loss of life here. We’re going to do everything we can do get these folks back on their feet. I’m also officially declaring Mississippi a disaster area. Federal government resources are stretched at the moment and we can only officially designate one state a disaster area at a time. With all due respect to Oklahoma, the devastation in Mississippi is much, much worse than in Oklahoma. We flew over in Air Force One on the way from Atlanta and were aghast at the decimated infrastructure, junked cars, neglected schools…Their citizens are practically staggering around in a dumbfounded stupor. It looks like it will take decades to get that place up to speed with the rest of the country. That tornado must have really devastated the entire state.”

Reporters quickly pointed out that there have not been any natural disasters or tornadoes in Mississippi for years.

“Is that so?” asked an obviously surprised Obama, who then quickly concluded his remarks, promising an update by tomorrow.

Eric Hetvile

Wanted in 14 states. But those states suck, anyway.

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