Revenge on Slow Left Lane Drivers

When I’m caught behind a slow left lane driver, venom courses through my veins. I bellow obscenities and entertain despicable thoughts. I become uncivilized.

My mother would not be proud.

That said, I doubt I’m alone. We all know the frustration: Coming up behind a left-laner, all we can see is the top, back portion his head. If we do manage to pass and get a glimpse of his face, he’s oblivious  to our raised middle fingers, shouts of rage and expressions of primal contempt.

He’s seemingly anonymous. But. . .

I believe these people are identifiable. Hidden in plain sight, they’re the ones who block supermarket aisles with their carts, put doctors behind schedule with a hundred stupid questions, sit directly in front of us at the movies when all the other seats are empty.

The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can bring them to justice personally. Give them threatening looks, mutter mean things under our breath, make citizens’ arrests.

You know. Things like that.

Please, join me in my revolt.

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8 thoughts on “Revenge on Slow Left Lane Drivers”

  1. John, how funny about being in another country and were unwittingly guilty of being a slow left-laner. I laughed out loud.

    Tom, you’re not f*cking kidding!

  2. Good post and I have been on both sides of your issue, June. I was in Ireland last year and rented a car. Pulling out of Shannon airport onto a two lane road, I saw a car quickly filling up my rear view mirror and the first thing I did was move over to the right lane to let them go and they were not appreciative of my gesture because a moment later I realized that the left lane was the slow lane. Now that I knew that, I remained in the right lane, moving well below the speed limit because I wanted to see if I could get people in foreign countries as upset as I could make people from the United States. I feel doing things like that makes one more worldly.

  3. Include those who drive parallel to other slowpokes, thus blocking both lanes. By the way, they must be blind and deaf. They don’t readily respond to honking and the flashing of lights.

  4. I’m with you, too.

    We should add to the list the person who gets all the way up to the head of a checkout line before deciding to clip coupons from the circular. Likewise, the person who wastes time arguing with the cashier because he (the customer) mistakenly thinks that something is on sale when it isn’t is a menace to society.

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