Blog Archives

The Message

August 29, 2013
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The Message

Hey Brad, It’s the middle of the night and I’m wide awake. I should go clean out the fridge or twist myself into some yoga poses, but I’m emailing you instead. How goes the search for Vivian’s birthday present? I think a handbag is better than hockey tickets, if you ever…

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The Internet: Sucked Into Stalking An Ex

August 20, 2013
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The Internet: Sucked Into Stalking An Ex

Do you ever get shop-vacced into an abyss where anything is possible, nothing ever happens, and time has no meaning? I do. It started twelve minutes after I got my first computer. I am a woman of indefatigable online searches. In the throes of…

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The Parking Chronicles II

August 15, 2013
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The Parking Chronicles II

So. I left a note under VKF 521’s windshield wiper imploring him to park more considerately. I didn’t use profanity, but nor did I leave a smiley face or a cheery “Thanks so much!” at the bottom. I was through with VKF’s nonsense, and if my large,…

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The Parking Chronicles, Part I

August 6, 2013
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If I continue this way, I’ll have to invest in a black, hooded sweat suit and a mask, like the ones in “Scream” or “A Clockwork Orange.” Don’t misunderstand. I want to handle the issue head-on (to wit: catch the perps red-handed). I’ve simply been denied the…

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Prelude To The Parking Chronicles

August 2, 2013
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Prelude To The Parking Chronicles

 Parking is a weighty issue for me.                                                                                                                                                   While the rest of the civilized world reaches for its goals, pursues its passions and gets its laundry done, I’m looping infinitely around my block in search of somewhere to leave my car.…

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Going Viral

July 23, 2013
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Going Viral

I recently talked to a blogger who gets thousands of hits a day. Desperate to learn his secrets, I imagined cuffing and coercing him into an isolated room with two chairs, a metal table, and lighting designed specifically to intimidate. I saw myself tossing back a shot of whiskey, lighting a cigar,…

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Heat Wave

July 21, 2013
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It’s been sweltering hot the last few days. I A) have no air conditioning except in my bedroom — a room so chaotic, it’s hard to find the bed; B) am pathologically attached to my living room; C) am on the sixth and top…

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Today Is The First Day…

July 20, 2013
By

I’m told that today is the first day of the rest of my life. Cool beans — except I don’t get how it differs from any other day. More Posts -

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Have I Been Fired?

July 19, 2013
By

At nineteen, I needed a summer job. One that required no skills. I scoured the employment section of the Star Ledger daily, but saw none meeting this description. I’d been avoiding temp agencies, as flux…

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Revenge on Slow Left Lane Drivers

July 16, 2013
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When I’m caught behind a slow left lane driver, venom courses through my veins. I bellow obscenities and entertain despicable thoughts. I become uncivilized. My mother would not be proud. That said, I doubt I’m alone. We all know the frustration: Coming…

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