“Beaver” is a terrible name for a vagina. I don’t want to have sex with something that destroys wood.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2013
I don’t know why women are obsessed with shoes. The only men who notice your footwear are the ones who aren’t interested in the rest of you.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2013
I thought of a great joke about ointments, but no one likes topical humor.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2013
The reason the world is falling apart is there are no more phone booths. Clark Kent doesn’t have any place to change into Superman.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2013
Pluots are a cross between plums and apricots. Nectaplums are a hybrid of plums and nectarines. The lesson here is plums will fuck anything.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2013
You get better and better! This is plum-funny (a new hybrid?)!
It’s what you get when a plum screws a clown.