Whatever, rich people with wine cellars. I don't need any fancy shelves because I store my wine in my stomach like an adult.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2013
My wife: “Get your hands off my boobs.”
Me: “You can’t throw me out. I made it to 2nd base. I’m safe.”
Women don’t understand baseball.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2013
*drops a beat*
*gets yelled at by wife*
*picks up beat off the floor*
*vacuums*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2013
It’s cute how my boss called the plastic container on my desk a “water bottle.” Yeah, that’s the clear liquid I keep in there.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2013
My 3-year-old lost her Cinderella fridge magnet. Based on her reaction, this is worse than 9/11. Grief counselors are standing by.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2013
I am happy you do get the gravity of the lost Cinderella magnet. This will play in your favor in future therapy sessions where your daughter will then be inclined to blame only your wife for her woes. Good job! 🙂
If only that were true. We have enough other crises each day that I’m sure I’ll get my share of the blame during her therapy sessions.