The Ten Commandments for Cats | HumorOutcasts

The Ten Commandments for Cats

January 6, 2014

The Angel Cat is watching YOU!

The Angel Cat is watching YOU!

1. Thou shalt acknowledge thy human as master, obey her in all things, and neither bite nor scratch thy master for as long as thou shalt live.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any cat toys from thy master’s expensive porcelain figurines.

3. Thou shalt never do anything to anger thy master and cause him to swear obscenities and lose his dignity while chasing you around the living room.

4. Thou shalt not pester thy master when he is resting, even if it is dinner time and thou art faint with hunger.

5. Honor thy master, that thou mayest live long in her house, even if her boyfriend hates you.

6. Thou shalt not kill mice, bugs or any other small creatures, then present them to thy master as gifts.

7. Thou shalt not steal food from thy master’s plate, neither shalt thou steal the socks that he has stuffed into his shoes and carry them into the kitchen.

8. Thou shalt not pretend innocence when thou hast been caught sharpening thy claws on the newly upholstered chair.

9. Thou shalt not throw a loud, yowling outdoor orgy when the female next door goes into heat.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy master’s pillow when she wants to go to bed. Neither shalt thou covet thy master’s hair scrunchies, perfume bottles, socks (see above), nor anything else that is thy master’s.

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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8 Responses to The Ten Commandments for Cats

  1. January 8, 2014 at 8:36 pm

    This was great. Rusty doesn’t live with me, I Live with Rusty!

  2. Kathy Minicozzi
    January 7, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    By the way, the image is of my kitty Juliet, which I Photoshopped to put her in Heaven. May she rest in peace. She was my very first cat ever, and I still miss her terribly.

    She was followed by Oliver, who was followed by Harmony, who is still with me. Three kitties with three very different personalities, each of them deeply loved.

  3. Bill Y Ledden
    January 7, 2014 at 12:53 pm

    I like these commandments a lot but can’t help feeling that they’re very one-sided and in favour of human people!

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      January 7, 2014 at 5:34 pm

      Of course! When you are up against a cat, anything goes! 😉

  4. January 7, 2014 at 7:31 am

    Somehow I don’t think the cat gives a hoot about a human’s ten commandments. They probably have their own!

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      January 7, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      They do, indeed, and they try very hard to boss their humans around. They succeed much too often. That is why it is so important for us to counteract with commandments of our own, even if the cats completely ignore them.

  5. January 7, 2014 at 2:18 am

    How’s telling a cat what to do working out?

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      January 7, 2014 at 5:30 pm

      Not very well, I’m afraid. Even the fact that I am a lot bigger than she is doesn’t impress her.

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