1. Thou shalt acknowledge thy human as master, obey her in all things, and neither bite nor scratch thy master for as long as thou shalt live.
2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any cat toys from thy master’s expensive porcelain figurines.
3. Thou shalt never do anything to anger thy master and cause him to swear obscenities and lose his dignity while chasing you around the living room.
4. Thou shalt not pester thy master when he is resting, even if it is dinner time and thou art faint with hunger.
5. Honor thy master, that thou mayest live long in her house, even if her boyfriend hates you.
6. Thou shalt not kill mice, bugs or any other small creatures, then present them to thy master as gifts.
7. Thou shalt not steal food from thy master’s plate, neither shalt thou steal the socks that he has stuffed into his shoes and carry them into the kitchen.
8. Thou shalt not pretend innocence when thou hast been caught sharpening thy claws on the newly upholstered chair.
9. Thou shalt not throw a loud, yowling outdoor orgy when the female next door goes into heat.
10. Thou shalt not covet thy master’s pillow when she wants to go to bed. Neither shalt thou covet thy master’s hair scrunchies, perfume bottles, socks (see above), nor anything else that is thy master’s.