My 3-year-old saw a picture of an orangutan and asked if it was a wookie. She lives in a world where Chewbacca is real. Childhood is awesome
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 2, 2014
Women love men with tattoos because any guy who commits to that kind of lifelong mistake is ready for marriage.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 1, 2014
My wife likes to role-play in bed. Usually she plays a coma patient.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 1, 2014
Alcohol doesn’t make me fuck up. It makes me fuck up faster. Vodka is a huge time-saver.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 1, 2014
A recent study showed too much estrogen can lead to dementia. It’s official, folks: Bitches be crazy.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 1, 2014