A student was injured when her iPhone started on fire. Apple pointed out the burns were more stylish than those caused by Android devices.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2014
I thought a beard would save me time, but it requires constant care and maintenance. It’s like a pet that lives on my face.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2014
There’s only one manly way to eat a salad: 1) Throw away all the green stuff. 2) Add six pounds of bacon.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2014
Al Qaeda in Iraq disowned its Syrian branch. It takes some questionable people skills to make even other terrorists think you’re an asshole.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2014
Nice try, but you can’t hurt my feelings. Your insults just echo around the empty cavity where my heart should be.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2014
My favorite one was the one about the beard. Funny!