Introverts want to be away from people. Extroverts want to be around them. Perverts want to be inside them.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 19, 2014
Daycare lady: Your 2-year-old head-butted another kid over a snack. Me: What snack? Her: Cheez-Its. I fail to see the problem.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 19, 2014
[in grade school] Teacher: You need a timeout. Sit by yourself & don’t talk to anyone. Me: You’re rewarding me? Introverts are different
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 19, 2014
Spending eternity with all the self-righteous people who think they’re going to heaven is my version of hell.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 19, 2014
My 2-year-old walked into the bathroom with my phone and closed the door. There’s nothing more I can teach her. She’s ready for life.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 19, 2014