How to ride a skateboard: 1) Fall down and hurt yourself. 2) Post it on YouTube.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2014
2: *points to pic* Horsey Me: No, that’s a dog 2: Horsey! M: Dog! 2: HORSEY! M: DOG! Wife: It’s a sheep. I don’t leave the city much.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2014
Girl, are you a carnival ride? Because you seem dangerous and you kind of make me sick.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2014
If knowledge is power, how come I can’t use trivia questions to charge my iPhone?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2014
I don’t know why anyone bothers to pay for a gym membership when every single grocery store checkout aisle has a built-in treadmill.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 20, 2014