If you watch “The Incredible Hulk” backwards, it’s the story of an angry bodybuilder who calms the fuck down and gets his life together.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2014
My kids challenged me to a cartwheel contest. Long story short, now my chiropractor has a new boat.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2014
Me: Can I go drinking with the guys? Wife: That’s fine. Me: Wife: Me: *stays the fuck home*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2014
This idiot at the zoo said a small mammal with pointy spines on its back was a hedgehog. It wasn’t even blue.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2014
Screw going out. If I hire a babysitter, it’ll be so I can take a nap.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 31, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 4/7/14: pic.twitter.com/0EpRO4TLn9
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 23, 2014