(I’ll bet you all thought I was through with these!)
1. Coffee is necessary to maintain life as we know it.
2. If you are out of coffee, you are justified in spending the day in bed.
3. Chocolate is not a necessity of life, but it’s pretty close.
4. It isn’t a good idea to watch a slasher movie on TV just before going to bed. Ditto for old Alfred Hitchcock Presents episodes.
5. If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. If you teach him to fish you can get him out of your hair for several hours on any nice day.
6. Early to bed and early to rise is dull as hell, because most of the fun places are open at night.
7. Senior dating sites? I’ll have to think about that one and get back to you.
8. Dirty dishes will never wash themselves. Hire a maid to do it. You’ll be contributing to the economy of the country, and lowering the unemployment rate.
9. A good time to clean the apartment is a day or two before the city building inspectors are due to come around.
10. If you are making a list of points to remember and you are having trouble coming up with one more thing, it’s time to quit.