SmartAss Sundays: Playing Family Feud | HumorOutcasts

SmartAss Sundays: Playing Family Feud

February 7, 2016
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A dose a day keeps you separate from the village idiot fray.

A dose a day keeps you separate from the village idiot fray.

Family Feud is like going to Vegas with a bad gambling addiction. The odds are never in your favor. Some invisible man we never see goes and asks 100 people out of 350 million Americans in country what their answers are to the lamest questions imaginable and the inner intelligence in you has to actually speculate on what the common village idiot is going to say.

Now some people may cry racial, gender, and sexual bias.  Not me.  Half the fun is trying to guess what someone from the middle of the 3rd level of hell is thinking.  Or not thinking.  Or too ashamed to think and say even though everyone around them fits the description.  The inner smartass in me loves stuff like this. They may have asked 100 people, but they forgot about me and my top five answers on the board.

Round 1: Name a situation in which people share something and everyone benefits.

  1. Anarchy.
  2. Communism.
  3. Critical Thinking.
  4. Orgy/Threesome.
  5. Marijuana/Legalization.

Round 2: Name something teenagers say they will never do like their parents.

  1. Improperly roll a blunt/joint.
  2. Throw up after drinking too many shots.
  3. Midlife crisis sexual experimentation.
  4. Spend the abortion money on clothes.
  5. Wait until their parents die to get the house.

Round 3: Name something people always say when they’re trying to end a relationship.

  1. You might want to get checked out.
  2. That’s why your brother/sister/best friend was better in bed.
  3. Come by my house again and I will have you arrested.
  4. Just so you know the kid ain’t yours anyway.
  5. Let’s just have sex one more time for old times sake.

Round 4: Name something that winds up in thanksgiving dinner.

  1. Grandma’s hands.
  2. Grandma’s nose drippings.
  3. Grandma’s ashes.
  4. Grandma’s hair.
  5. Grandma’s roaches.

Final Round Questions:

Name something that lives outside.

  1. Scorned LGBT youth.
  2. Military Veterans.

Name something you would do in a movie theater besides watching a movie.

  1. Press record.
  2. Focus the camera lens.

Name an animal with sharp teeth.

  1. Mother In Law/Father in Law.
  2. Yours/His Ex Girlfriend’s Nether regions.

Name something ex-athletes do after they retire from the league.

  1. Live in their car.
  2. Go to jail for back child support/attempted murder of spouse.

Name something that politicians frequent for campaign contributions.

  1. Brothels.
  2. Bathhouses.

Richard Lawson would have kissed me twice and asked me out for a highball with these answers.

 

Gwendolyn L. Spelvin

Gwendolyn L. Spelvin is a philosopher of the Edward Bernays Century of Self, a follower of Sigmund Freud’s explorations of the subconscious mind through chemical means, and an avid enthusiast of Adolph Hitler’s short-lived ballet career before he rose through the ranks of the Third Reich. Spelvin had dedicated her post academic career as an innovative writer that creates a written vision to prove misanthropic tendencies works with an audience, crafting a message that sways public approval towards her client’s products to the guarantee of the masses blindly supporting the company agenda without them knowing it. A dirty job, but someone has to pacify the idiots who know not what they blindly support into a continuing trek of oblivion. Last, but not least, Spelvin is a firm believer in the annihilation of the JUSTIN BELIBERS. Currently she is working on her cookbook, To Serve A Hot Man: Jeffrey Dahmer's Classic Recipes due out this Christmas.

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7 Responses to SmartAss Sundays: Playing Family Feud

  1. Bill Y Ledden
    February 10, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    I’ve never seem Family Feud but it sounds like an average day in our house.

  2. February 8, 2016 at 9:50 am

    This is my kind of Family Feud! I propose we form the HO team. We won’t win, but we’ll still have the best answers! Love, love love this post!

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 8, 2016 at 2:02 pm

      Cool! We can go on when they have Low Ratings Week. Right after the Playboy Bunnies but before soaps week, lol.

  3. February 8, 2016 at 6:50 am

    I love the answers. This is why I worry about the world. Great post!

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 8, 2016 at 2:01 pm

      Thanks, Donna. I worry about the state of denial I hear on this show. Scary!

  4. Melo
    February 8, 2016 at 3:32 am

    I swear, Family Feud is asking for answers of this ilk when asking such provocative questions.

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 8, 2016 at 2:04 pm

      Especially only asking 100 people in Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, and Oklahoma. Just the absolute most unbiased place to get unbiased answers.



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