SPARKS BRIEF – Essential Gifts for this Season | HumorOutcasts

SPARKS BRIEF – Essential Gifts for this Season

December 15, 2016
By

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Now that the holiday season is upon us, we should be talking about Christmas parties and not political parties. In fact, any discussion of politics should be off the table and the elf should be on the shelf.

Let’s get through December before the panic attack on January 20th.  This year pick up the gift that will brighten everyone’s 2017.  Give your #NEVERTRUMP family and friends the Popeil Pocket Lobotomy.

With a simple slice and dice, you’ll be able to spend valuable holiday time without a single worry about a Trump Nation. In fact, you won’t remember who Trump is or where Washington, DC is located.

Spend long, relaxing hours staring into the fireplace and admiring your Christmas tree. You’ll be easily distracted by shiny objects and fire. In fact, your day’s will be worry-free and your night’s coma like.

The Popeil Pocket Lobotomy is completely portable and fits into most ordinary pockets. It comes complete with a sterilization wipe and an I.D. TAG in case you get lost on one of your new careless days.

There could be a few minor side effects like drooling and the inability to have a complete thought, but you’ll be completely unaware that an orange sociopath has the codes to nuclear weapons.

Give the gift that will leave a lasting impression and a glassy-eyed stare. The Pocket Lobotomy makes a great stocking stuffer.

If permanent brain alteration seems like too much of an investment in the future, checkout the Ronco Meth-o-Matic Lab Kit.

Disorientation and a false sense of euphoria can be yours with this compact kit. Cook the stuff that dreams are made of from the convenience of your own kitchen.

The more meth in your cabinets, the less you’ll worry about the Trump Cabinet. Nothing says lovin’ like crystal meth in the oven.

Act now and you’ll receive both the Pocket Lobotomy and the Meth-o-Matic for three easy payments of $19.99. Operators are standing by and quantities are limited. Have a Christmas you won’t remember and a holiday high you won’t forget.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vince G. Sparks

Vince G. Sparks, freelance writer, and avid reader is a genetically creative person with a talent for expressing the written word. Vince has a background in communications, public relations, and journalism. Also, he spent many years in human resources navigating corporate America. He masterminds the blog Sparks Ignites, where he shares his “slice of life” stories and social commentary with insight, humor, and extra-dry wit. He’s been published in the Elephant Journal online magazine, with two articles selected as Editor’s Picks. He is a member of South Jersey Writers Group Board of Trustees. For more and to stay connected visit him on social media and his website www.sparksignites.com.

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3 Responses to SPARKS BRIEF – Essential Gifts for this Season

  1. December 19, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    I would buy the lobotomy book, but people tell me I’m already spaced-out, anyway.

    Do you recommend anything that could be used to spark-up dormant brain cells? Of course, the user won’t be able to forget about Trump, but sometimes we have to take the bad with the good.

  2. December 17, 2016 at 8:32 pm

    I need a four year warranty on the Meth-o-Matic. Possible?

    • December 19, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      There’s an extended warranty if you purchase at Best Buy.



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