More Adventures in Knotty Knitting | HumorOutcasts

More Adventures in Knotty Knitting

September 21, 2017

Knitting is a legal addiction. It’s relaxing and it’s fun. You can make pretty things that way, too.

The problem is, to make pretty things you must FINISH whatever you are making. I know this. However, there is a discrepancy between what I know and what I do. The other day, I decided it was time to go through the two storage containers that held all my knitting needles and enough yarn to knit socks for three armies, if they didn’t mind having socks of different colors, most of which didn’t match.

There in the middle of the mess was what looked like half a “lap robe,” still on its needles. At some point, I must have decided I was tired of working on it and put it aside. I was doing a good job on it, too, using a “moss stitch” pattern. Oh well! One of these days I’ll finish it, most likely when I need the needles for something else or when I want to practice the moss stitch.

Yes, I finish some projects, for which I am justly proud. My problem with finished projects is that I can never make anything without some little mistake somewhere. Most of my mistakes are not noticeable, or easily covered up, so it isn’t such a bad thing. But just ONCE I’d like to make something perfect.

I wonder if, sometime in the future, knitted items will be considered art, worthy of being displayed in museums. If so, I imagine the following scene:

WOMAN: I was going through some of my grandmother’s old things and I found this strange-looking circular thing that seems to be hand-knitted. I’m wondering if it has any value.

CRAFT ART APPRAISER: Aha! That looks a lot like a Minicozzi. She left a lot of unfinished work behind, but this is a complete scarf. They used to call them “infinity” scarves back in her time.

The appraiser takes the scarf and inspects it thoroughly, using a magnifying glass.

CRAFT ART APPRAISER: Hmm. I’m sorry to break the news, but this is not a Minicozzi. Every stitch is perfect. There are no holes, no dropped stitches, no accidental additions of stitches, no places where a hole had to be covered with yarn woven through it. Kathy Minicozzi could never complete a garment without at least one little mistake in it. This is obviously the work of a lesser artist, although it’s a nice scarf. Why don’t you wear it?

Oh well!

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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4 Responses to More Adventures in Knotty Knitting

  1. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    September 24, 2017 at 8:55 am

    If they make knitting illegal, it will go underground and then we’ll get to the knitty gritty of it.

    • September 24, 2017 at 4:01 pm

      If there is a black market in yarn, will you give me a discount? 😉

  2. Bill Spencer
    September 22, 2017 at 3:51 pm

    You are a master of the Japanese aesthetic of wabi-sabi (the art of imperfection).

    “The imperfect is our paradise.” —Wallace Stevens

    • September 22, 2017 at 4:02 pm

      Well, at least I’m master of SOMETHING! 😉

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