Big Medical Words, or: Holy Bovine, What’s Wrong With Me? | HumorOutcasts

Big Medical Words, or: Holy Bovine, What’s Wrong With Me?

April 1, 2018

Well, bad news on the medical front, as I went to the doctor Wednesday and was diagnosed with bilateral Eustachian salpingitis, which has effected my balance and hearing a little. He gave me a shot of Kenalog–which was a butt load of fun–and started me on antibiotics, and has high hopes that I’ll recover.

(Just to be clear, the doctor’s name is not Wednesday–that’s the day I saw him.)

It’s related to my biannual sinusitis, which is itself worsened by rhinitis. I haven’t gotten the sinusitis nearly as often since my sinus surgery, but when I do get it, I get it good. By which I mean bad. By which I mean last week was kind of awful.

You remember my sinus surgery, right? This is the dog taking care of me afterward. For some reason, at that moment I was having difficulty breathing.

If I don’t make it, auction off my Johnny West action figure to support my wife..

Anyway, happy Easter! And no, if you’re thinking it, it’s not an April Fool’s Day joke: I really do have bilateral Eustachian salpingitis.


It means pressure on my eardrums.

Mark R Hunter

Mark R Hunter is the author of three romantic comedies: Radio Red, Storm Chaser, and its sequel, The Notorious Ian Grant, as well as a related story collection, Storm Chaser Shorts. He also wrote a young adult adventure, The No-Campfire Girls, and a humor collection, Slightly Off the Mark. In addition, he collaborated with his wife, Emily, on the history books Images of America: Albion and Noble County, Smoky Days and Sleepless Nights: A Century or So With The Albion Fire Department, and Hoosier Hysterical. Mark’s work also appeared in the anthologies My Funny Valentine and Strange Portals: Ink Slingers’ Fantasy/Horror Anthology. For two decades Mark R Hunter has been an emergency dispatcher for the Noble County Sheriff Department. He’s served over 32 years as a volunteer for the Albion Fire Department, holding such positions as safety officer, training officer, secretary, and public information officer. He also has done public relations writing for the Noble County Relay For Life, among other organizations, and served two terms on the Albion Town Council. When asked if he has any free time, he laughs hysterically. Mark lives in Albion, Indiana, with his wife and editor Emily, a cowardly ball python named Lucius, and a loving, scary dog named Beowulf. He has two daughters and twin grandsons, and so naturally is considering writing a children’s book.

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6 Responses to Big Medical Words, or: Holy Bovine, What’s Wrong With Me?

  1. Bill Spencer
    April 3, 2018 at 10:49 am

    Have you tried shaving your groin?

    • April 4, 2018 at 2:18 am

      I realize we should all be open to new experiences, but I’ve never actually considered shaving my groin. Maybe it’s a lack of imagination.

  2. April 2, 2018 at 7:40 am

    It could be worse. A woman I knew needed to have surgery for a deviated septum. She went to the hospital and an orderly came into the room with the wrong chart and said “I’m here to shave your groin.”

    • April 3, 2018 at 1:35 am

      Well, at least they knew they were looking for a cavity of some kind!

      They thought I had a deviated septum, but on closer examination it turned out my nose had been broken at some point in the past. How do I not remember something like that?

  3. April 1, 2018 at 2:27 pm

    Stupid me! I thought all those terms were bogus and the story was an April Fool’s Joke.

    Are you sure it’s not?

    • April 2, 2018 at 1:19 am

      Well, it’s no coincidence that I posted it that day–the twist being that the story’s actually true, right down to the terms.
      But I’d rather it wasn’t!

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